Monday, 6 April 2020

Confinement diary - Day 13



I am slightly surprised when I see adverts from fashion shops, summer dresses and sandals...I want to believe we will be back to those times, when we could buy summer sandals and hats and know we can soon get to wear them on a nice little getaway or a far away holiday...

I so want to buy summer sandals, shift dresses and play suits...project myself into a near shallow fun future I long for...sunshine warms my skin and soft velvet breeze cools me down, my body is light with happiness and aches with passion for everything around me, I long to reacquaint myself with everything again that is not the inside of a supermarket, this every thing that was normal before, that was so mundane and anodine that we forgot it was there like glass...until it shatters!

But all we can buy with certainty of use for now, is food and toilet paper...because we are at a survival crossroads and any ideas of getaways seems nothing short of frivolous, yet it is somehow essential, as it is hope.

Stay Safe ...sunbathing can wait!

Thursday, 2 April 2020

Confinement diary - Day 10


I noticed some social norms are beginning to shift, ever so slightly...though sometimes very noticeably, like your nosey neighbours becoming blatantly curious about who is visiting you and why...because of course they are concerned with contagion.

It was a sex video chat...nobody visited me Kate! hold off on calling the police just yet.

Outside, it feels like everybody is watching everybody else, why are you out? why are you holding hands do you actually live together? but you see I am from Algeria, that's the baseline mindset over there...so I can handle it...Sanctimonious Kate will struggle though!

I imagine her listening in, putting her ears to the wall to try to catch a sound bite from my exciting confined life and all the fun I am having on those video chats!

Paranoia has taken hold, not sure if I am imagining things or they are all conspiring against me (Kate definitely is), she is a midwife on maternity leave, naturally she feels she has to contribute somehow, so she dispenses advice and unwelcome comments such as "THANK YOU!!" when I tell her I finally started working from home. Meow!!!

Stay safe ....and out of my business!


Wednesday, 1 April 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 9 (retrospective)


Mourning!

The earth is said to be breathing a sigh of relief as reports of signs the ozone layer may be healing, of the air purifying, of dolphins returning to the Venice canals, to nature enjoying a break from the human bulldozer machine, of endangered species getting a fighting chance...these come as blessings we are willing to accept in exchange for the misery and horror that has descended upon mankind...

As man set out to mark his passage on this earth, documented his achievements and experiences on cave walls, on papyrus then on canvas...did he do so because he was eternal? No, he did it because he was ephemeral and fragile, symbiotic of his environment and other living beings he sought to hunt, eat, destroy or understand, save and protect.

We are full of contradictions and paradoxes, we pillage and rape this planet, explore its deepest confines and dig out it's most dangerous organisms with no regard for boundaries nor respect for other beings, flora or fauna, and no regard or perhaps an over estimation of our abilities to deal with the consequences.

I always want to believe we will learn from our mistakes and leave something for future generations, a planet that is liveable perhaps, but as history keeps on repeating itself and seeing how we don't seem to have learnt anything from our past, just an example; the Spanish flu pandemic which in 1918 took between 30 and 50 million souls, my heart sinks a little and think we may not outlast this planet or this virus!

It is said that of all hominid species, Homo Erectus was the most successful in longevity, only one to survive over a million years, Homo Sapiens, I fear will not reach half that before we succumb to a self brought extinction.

What does give me hope, is the love, compassion and support humans seem to portray in times of crises, they are brought together by fear, love and self preservation and I want to believe that humanity will be saved after all... 

But perhaps all out combined efforts and good intentions are not enough, when war mongers are presently plotting yet another war amidst the chaos and suffering.

Stay safe out there (or in there..if you're in confinement) 

Friday, 27 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 6


36 degrees? Dude is not even sick!!

Because I went out yesterday (to work), it doesn't count as a confinement day and so I am allowed to remain on diary day 6 (instead of day 7). See the logic?

Today I stayed in, sat in the garden and contemplated nature, met a lovely little spider, I think his name is Sanjay, he's a web designer. we exchanged pleasantries, though I had none to offer, much like this blog now really...

Boris is said to have tested positive...Our thoughts and prayers are with the Corona virus in this difficult time.

Come ooooon Trump!!




Wednesday, 25 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 5


Love in the time of Corona (Extra)

Confinement day 5 (skipped over day 4, bad luck), day 3 since a DFS sales advert was last spotted.

To those fuckers who keep posting photos of them with their partners, captioned Love in the time of Corona, I say share responsibly as I cannot guarantee the degree of sluttiness at the end of this ordeal and made especially difficult by your misguided PDAs.

Also, the UK is not really on lockdown, I just went for a bike ride with my neighbour (he's gay though, so useless to me), stopped and grabbed a coffee on the way back. If you leave your boyfriends out...just saying!!

It just dawned on me that it's spring!! No wonder ...

Monday, 23 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 3



The whole world seems to be in total lockdown or self isolation except for the Brits, who all broke out their shorts and SPF50s, parks are busier than ever before now the sunshine decided to show its conspirator face. It seems the concept of dying is not scary enough here, perhaps they still believe in the goodness of the Viral community in that viruses will keep their word and never break the 3 seconds rule!
Side note I just saw a man in a bathrobe just casually strolling outside...Love it!
I fear humanity is in danger of social collapse (bathrobe exhibit A) and ultimately extinction (nothing in between those 2), but the highest danger I fear is the rapidly multiplying millennial podcasts! We must put a stop to this for gods sake!! What is the scientific community doing!!!

Help us QI'tu'!!!

Sunday, 22 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 2


The weather has decided to be clement (in London, I don't care about the rest of yous), so I sit in my garden, soaking in the sunshine, try as best I can to ignore the screaming kids next door and their scolding dads, thinking they must both be missing their mistresses!

I ponder the current situation and how much I miss Brexit, the uncertainty and agony of it, ah good times! Remember when Boris was a completely useless twat bag?

I think about how we will all come out of this as a species, as a culture, maybe it's the end of Capitalism all together, maybe it's the beginning of virtual life or end of civilisations, perhaps even the end of the DFS sales, we probably deserve this, let it be the end of humanity, give it all back to the amoeba I say!

Confinement Diary - Day 1



Down to 2332 toilet rolls, it's been 22 hours since I last visited a gym, 1 kilo up in weight, barely made it through 3 pages of a book, went through half my snack stock.

And started feeding my cat sauce based food, in an attempt to marinate him from the inside, should I have to eat him, if I am down to only Brussels sprouts.

Wednesday, 26 February 2020

Laughter cures all ails?



I am hereby advocating self-fondling, self-exploration as it proved useful to me when one night when I was having a whale of time with myself, I found a lump in my beautiful, gravity defying left breast, and which later turned out to be cancer.

Don’t panic I said to myself, I promptly had it removed and followed it up with a month of radiation and a trip to Chernobyl as a top-up! you know, better be safe than sorry.
I tell you that place is still highly contaminated but it was a fun trip! Here’s a picture!

 

Contamination at Chernobyl power plant, Ukraine
The good news is that my doctor said that radiotherapy will effectively freeze my boob in time as it were, my left boob will forever be young and upright when I am in my 70s and my other boob is in my sock. Win some, lose some!

To start the radiation, they give you some tattoos (just dots, barely visible to non-boyfriends) and they ask you to not lose weight or maintain your weight so that the beams are targeted and accurate, obviously for me, all I heard was don’t lose weight and I ate like I was dying in three months!

So when later on I didn't die, I was like...fuck!
I may well be the only cancer patient who put on weight during treatment. Is there like a trophy for that?

 


It was an ordeal yes but I think it was less traumatising than some of the things people said or did to me over the years, as I sat there contemplating my life and my limited possibilities, I realised I was far more equipped to deal with cancer than with people in general. At least Cancer doesn’t talk back!

 

Anywho! Now I am fine and in remission for the next five years, waiting to see if Corona doesn’t take me instead.

 

Thug life!

 

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