Friday 27 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 6

36 degrees? Dude is not even sick!!

Because I went out yesterday (to work), it doesn't count as a confinement day and so I am allowed to remain on diary day 6 (instead of day 7). See the logic?

Today I stayed in, sat in the garden and contemplated nature, met a lovely little spider, I think his name is Sanjay, he's a web designer. we exchanged pleasantries, though I had none to offer, much like this blog now really...

Boris is said to have tested positive...Our thoughts and prayers are with the Corona virus in this difficult time.

Come ooooon Trump!!

Wednesday 25 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 5

Love in the time of Corona (Extra)

Confinement day 5 (skipped over day 4, bad luck), day 3 since a DFS sales advert was last spotted.

To those fuckers who keep posting photos of them with their partners, captioned Love in the time of Corona, I say share responsibly as I cannot guarantee the degree of sluttiness at the end of this ordeal and made especially difficult by your misguided PDAs.

Also, the UK is not really on lockdown, I just went for a bike ride with my neighbour (he's gay though, so useless to me), stopped and grabbed a coffee on the way back. If you leave your boyfriends out...just saying!!

It just dawned on me that it's spring!! No wonder ...

Monday 23 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 3

The whole world seems to be in total lockdown or self isolation except for the Brits, who all broke out their shorts and SPF50s, parks are busier than ever before now the sunshine decided to show its conspirator face. It seems the concept of dying is not scary enough here, perhaps they still believe in the goodness of the Viral community in that viruses will keep their word and never break the 3 seconds rule!
Side note I just saw a man in a bathrobe just casually strolling outside...Love it!
I fear humanity is in danger of social collapse (bathrobe exhibit A) and ultimately extinction (nothing in between those 2), but the highest danger I fear is the rapidly multiplying millennial podcasts! We must put a stop to this for gods sake!! What is the scientific community doing!!!

Help us QI'tu'!!!

Sunday 22 March 2020

Confinement Diary - Day 2

The weather has decided to be clement (in London, I don't care about the rest of yous), so I sit in my garden, soaking in the sunshine, try as best I can to ignore the screaming kids next door and their scolding dads, thinking they must both be missing their mistresses!

I ponder the current situation and how much I miss Brexit, the uncertainty and agony of it, ah good times! Remember when Boris was a completely useless twat bag?

I think about how we will all come out of this as a species, as a culture, maybe it's the end of Capitalism all together, maybe it's the beginning of virtual life or end of civilisations, perhaps even the end of the DFS sales, we probably deserve this, let it be the end of humanity, give it all back to the amoeba I say!

Confinement Diary - Day 1

Down to 2332 toilet rolls, it's been 22 hours since I last visited a gym, 1 kilo up in weight, barely made it through 3 pages of a book, went through half my snack stock.

And started feeding my cat sauce based food, in an attempt to marinate him from the inside, should I have to eat him, if I am down to only Brussels sprouts.

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