So with lockdown now lifted (a while ago now, but these things take a while you know!), I
busied myself about getting my MOT sorted, you know...general
sheering waxing of eyebrows, beard, legs, beaver...what have you! the haircut, surprisingly was the most painful, only made worse by the hairdresser's constant judgment and
complaints, she was so offended by the state of my hair and I was too
terrified to say anything, with scissors in hand, she was clearly in a position of power.
The facial was another memorable episode, constant reminders of how dry my skin was and how I should use this and that cream which of course only that particular salon carries!
The pedicure pushed me and the pedicurist over the edge. My claws had grown their own claws and you could easily repurpose my feet as sandpaper! that would have been less painful than the abuse I took from that pedicurist shouting things in Vietnamese which from her intonations I could tell it was definitely something kind and not at all about my bunions! though there is no Vietnamese word for Hobbit and I definitely think she said muttered Hobbit under her breath!
After a few days of abuse and
mistreatments, I started to feel and look like myself again, which is to say the result of when a Neanderthal fucks a goat.
The lowest blow however, came from my Judas of a phone, with the facial
recognition thingy that wouldn’t recognise me. It was like, ‘Where’s the hag
who usually opens the phone? Call the police! I mean I often feel insulted by
my own phone, but that was legendary!
This whole 'trauma' made me question if we only take care of ourselves when there are people around to whiteness it, like the proverbial tree in the forest, if you are beautiful and there is no one to whiteness it, are you still beautiful? the answer is YES! even if you are a result of a misguided alliance between a goat and a Neanderthal.
Taking care of oneself for oneself, not for going to work, not to receive compliments from colleagues, friends and strangers is a clear sign of self love. You begin to understand, that if you let myself go, it feels like punishment, a form of self-sabotage and a reason to start binge eating, self-hate speech and the self blame, all the cultivated ingredients to allow yourself to sombre into a downward spiral of depression, weight gain, self doubt and all that shit., where the lockdowns as the theatre to play out all these dramas
Perhaps it's a solidarity act with the rest of the world under lockdown, perhaps it was something that needed to come out and materialise, much like my greys which now are out in the open.
Either way, put down that muffin and stub out that cigarette! Because life is
resuming somewhat and accountability is back, for your looks, weight and
humour and for your life.
I leave you (and me) with a question - are we that co-dependant?