Thursday 24 June 2021

The MOT dilemma!

So with lockdown now lifted (a while ago now, but these things take a while you know!), I busied myself about getting my MOT sorted, you know...general sheering waxing of eyebrows, beard, legs, beaver...what have you! The haircut, was surprisingly the most painful, perhaps made worse by the hairdresser's constant moaning, she seemed to be very offended by the state of my hair and I was too terrified to say anything, with scissors in hand, she was clearly in the position of power.

The facial was another memorable episode, constant reminders of how dry my skin was and how I should use this and that cream, which of course only that particular salon carried!

The pedicure pushed me and the pedicurist over the edge. My claws had grown their own claws and you could have easily repurposed my feet as sandpaper! that would have been less painful than the abuse I took from that pedicurist shouting shit in Vietnamese which from her voice intonations I could tell it was definitely something nice and not at all about my bunions! though there is probably no Vietnamese word for Hobbit and I definitely think she muttered Hobbit under her breath! 

After a few days of abuse and mistreatments, I started to feel and look like myself again, which is to say the result of when a Neanderthal fucks a goat.

The lowest blow however, came from my Judas of a phone, with the facial recognition thingy that wouldn’t recognise me. It was like ‘Where’s the hag who usually opens the phone? Call the police! I mean I often feel insulted by my own phone, but that was legendary!

This whole 'trauma' made me question if we only take care of ourselves when there are people around to whiteness it, like the proverbial tree in the forest, if you are beautiful and there is no one to whiteness it, are you still beautiful?  The answer is YES! even if you are a result of a misguided alliance between a goat and a Neanderthal.

Taking care of oneself for oneself, not for going to work, not to receive compliments from colleagues, friends and strangers is a clear sign of self love. You begin to understand, that if you let myself go, it feels like punishment, a form of self-sabotage and a reason to start binge eating, self-hate speech and self blame, all the cultivated ingredients to allow yourself to sombre into a downward spiral of depression, weight gain, self doubt and all that shit., where the lockdowns as the theatre to play out all these dramas

Perhaps it's a solidarity act with the rest of the world under lockdown, perhaps it was something that needed to come out and materialise, much like my greys which are now all out in the open.

Either way, put down that muffin and stub out that cigarette! Because life is resuming somewhat and accountability is back, for your looks, weight and humour and for your life.

I leave you (and me) with a question - are we that co-dependant?

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