I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog. If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...
Tuesday, 21 April 2020
Confinement diary - Day Fuck knows!
It's gotten so weird out, people snitching on each other to become "good citizens", a dictator sprung up in Hungary, Trump...well continues being Trump, at least he's consistent I guess. It's like the prelude to some far fetched dystopian plot or one of those nightmares that every time you wake up from, you go right back into it once you fall asleep again!
The other day there was a couple walking behind me and they just started to speed up so I started to speed up, you know to maintain the 2m distance...it got ridiculous, we ended up having a chase.
I miss normal life, I miss laughing out loud throwing my head back hysterically, I miss spitting out my drink in laughter, I miss talking about other things besides the contents of a supermarket shelf and the daily statistic on the number of dead. I miss getting dressed up and going out on a date! Simple pleasures of life, I miss life.
What the fuck is going on! Bring back life!
Thursday, 16 April 2020
Confinement Diary - Day X
I want to be somewhere on a warm sunny sandy beach, not too far away...somewhere close. It seems the comfort of home is too easy to get used to and so difficult to break from, I don't feel ready to part yet, I've grown used to my routine, much like inmates...refusing to leave prison at the end of a long sentence served.
We are all inmates, settling into our routines and learning to live in confined spaces and reduced freedoms, I wonder what will become of us all. Will we even go back to the office, will we ever regain our freedom and liberties, will there be long queues at restaurant bathrooms for punters to wash their hands, will there be international travel again? so many questions...
I wish I had George Orwell's foresight or Margaret Atwood's imagination, at least I could capitalise on this mayhem and produce a dystopian plot worthy of our crazy times! So frustrating!
I am a frustrated writer I've come to realise and my imagination refuses to play ball! What a pity...
Oh well back to Netflix.
Stay safe...Stay sane!
Wednesday, 15 April 2020
Confinement Diary - Day £$@£$$$%%%
|That's like me...but sans ring!|
Was very much amused to read about the man arrested last week carrying about 60K worth of cocaine, he told the police he's a key worker....a sort of side-road pharmacist if you will.
I wish I was a key worker, I was deemed too weak to be a key worker, on account of my case of cancer! This cancer keeps getting in the way of my dreams.
So instead, I spend my days in front of a laptop pretending to work by responding YES and Kind regards, to 3 out of 70 emails a days.
I get changed every morning, I put on yoga leggings until about midnight then my pyjamas until noon the next day. I genuinely aim to brush my teeth as early as possible otherwise they're done for...
My hair gets brushed basically when I wash it, and if you know anything about women's hair, you know the frequency I mean here.
Think I can also feel my hymen growing back...which is very unsettling news indeed, I ain't going through that shit again! But to be fair, seeing as I am going to come out of this looking like a cave woman, I think we're all safe here.
Hoping to bring you glad tidings next time....until then, Stay safe!
Wednesday, 8 April 2020
Confinement Diary - Day 14
So I reach my own 14 day confinement and show no symptoms...I wonder if I am in the clear or if I am a carrier...silent or with delayed onset...I feel like Shrodinger's cat...I both have and have not got the virus...
I am both bored and busy,
I am both scared and carefree,
I am both a critical worker (yes Finance) and useless,
I am both hating and loving confinement,
I both go out and stay in...depending on who asks!
I am both confined alone and not confined alone....depending on who can see in!
What are you?
Monday, 6 April 2020
Confinement diary - Day 13
I am slightly surprised when I see adverts from fashion shops, summer dresses and sandals...I want to believe we will be back to those times, when we could buy summer sandals and hats and know we can soon get to wear them on a nice little getaway or a far away holiday...
I so want to buy summer sandals, shift dresses and play suits...project myself into a near shallow fun future I long for...sunshine warms my skin and soft velvet breeze cools me down, my body is light with happiness and aches with passion for everything around me, I long to reacquaint myself with everything again that is not the inside of a supermarket, this every thing that was normal before, that was so mundane and anodine that we forgot it was there like glass...until it shatters!
But all we can buy with certainty of use for now, is food and toilet paper...because we are at a survival crossroads and any ideas of getaways seems nothing short of frivolous, yet it is somehow essential, as it is hope.
Stay Safe ...sunbathing can wait!
Thursday, 2 April 2020
Confinement diary - Day 10
I noticed some social norms are beginning to shift, ever so slightly...though sometimes very noticeably, like your nosey neighbours becoming blatantly curious about who is visiting you and why...because of course they are concerned with contagion.
It was a
Outside, it feels like everybody is watching everybody else, why are you out? why are you holding hands do you actually live together? but you see I am from Algeria, that's the baseline mindset over there...so I can handle it...Sanctimonious Kate will struggle though!
I imagine her listening in, putting her ears to the wall to try to catch a sound bite from my exciting confined life and all the fun I am having on those video chats!
Paranoia has taken hold, not sure if I am imagining things or they are all conspiring against me (Kate definitely is), she is a midwife on maternity leave, naturally she feels she has to contribute somehow, so she dispenses advice and unwelcome comments such as "THANK YOU!!" when I tell her I finally started working from home. Meow!!!
Stay safe ....and out of my business!
Wednesday, 1 April 2020
Confinement Diary - Day 9 (retrospective)
The earth is said to be breathing a sigh of relief as reports of signs the ozone layer may be healing, of the air purifying, of dolphins returning to the Venice canals, to nature enjoying a break from the human bulldozer machine, of endangered species getting a fighting chance...these come as blessings we are willing to accept in exchange for the misery and horror that has descended upon mankind...
As man set out to mark his passage on this earth, documented his achievements and experiences on cave walls, on papyrus then on canvas...did he do so because he was eternal? No, he did it because he was ephemeral and fragile, symbiotic of his environment and other living beings he sought to hunt, eat, destroy or understand, save and protect.
We are full of contradictions and paradoxes, we pillage and rape this planet, explore its deepest confines and dig out it's most dangerous organisms with no regard for boundaries nor respect for other beings, flora or fauna, and no regard or perhaps an over estimation of our abilities to deal with the consequences.
I always want to believe we will learn from our mistakes and leave something for future generations, a planet that is liveable perhaps, but as history keeps on repeating itself and seeing how we don't seem to have learnt anything from our past, just an example; the Spanish flu pandemic which in 1918 took between 30 and 50 million souls, my heart sinks a little and think we may not outlast this planet or this virus!
It is said that of all hominid species, Homo Erectus was the most successful in longevity, only one to survive over a million years, Homo Sapiens, I fear will not reach half that before we succumb to a self brought extinction.
What does give me hope, is the love, compassion and support humans seem to portray in times of crises, they are brought together by fear, love and self preservation and I want to believe that humanity will be saved after all...
But perhaps all out combined efforts and good intentions are not enough, when war mongers are presently plotting yet another war amidst the chaos and suffering.
Stay safe out there (or in there..if you're in confinement)
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