Monday 31 October 2011

Monday Blues and Friday Jazz…

On the lift up to the office on a moody Monday morning, when all you want to do apart from satisfy the urge to kill is to stand quietly in your spot until that grating voice announces ‘2nd floor, lift going up’, get to your desk unflustered by hellos and questions like “how was your weekend?” give me a minute for fuck sakes

In an ideal world (mine) people would be satisfied with a nod, a glance or a smile and wait until preferably after lunch to address me, never call my extension, only contact me by email, do not pretend to give me pressure with such things as ASAP and at your earliest convenience because to me that means:  after I come back from the gym ON Tuesday , also refrain from asking for a read-receipt because you know I will never give you that satisfaction of knowing, when talking in the office, speak at a low volume that is acceptable at the cinema or the  library, being on a trading floor is no excuse and when I am having my lunch at my desk and say sorry I am at lunch, I am usually not joking.

When later on you meet me at the water fountain, if I stand behind you queuing up it is not your queue to ask me about my weekend or give me the weather report because I really don’t care, I always carry an umbrella and spare pair of knickers

If you catch me on a good day, I promise to tell you how my weekend went as quickly and unenthusiastically as possible so that you can start telling me about yours, because we all know that’s really the goal, I promise to listen, nod and say wow cool if you make it quick so I can go back to my desk and mong

Fellow considerate, polite and interested parties; I ask you; should I consider it a rhetorical question from now on or bore you with my weekend details until you never ask me again? Or just suck it up and be nice! This is definitely a rhetorical question, I already know which way am going…

Sarah: how was your weekend?
Me: I don’t really want to talk about it; it gets a bit repetitive after the 2nd time
Sarah: well who did you tell; I’ll go and ask them
We both laugh because it’s ridiculous

By Thursday, comes the next question “any plans for the weekend?”
Are you just being polite or do you really care about my weekend? and if my plans are awesome, are you going to invite yourself along? Are you going to be jealous and start making up some story about “ice-skating in Somerset house with Will and Kate?” or my favourite “I was in Paris for the weekend” is that right? Did you get the Eurostar from Victoria then?  Did you see the Coliseum?

By Friday, it’s a freaking circus of happy people and I am the clown, I am happy but only smile on the inside, I NEVER ask anyone if they have plans for the weekend because I don’t particularly care but I will happily chat to people as long as I get to talk about myself avoiding small talk because small talk is a waste of time and is only cool when I do it like: soooo you’RE tall!

This Mondays favourite water fountain subject: Clocks changing followed by Halloween talk– oh dear lord!

Dz-chick....strong coffee please!!!


  1. And you wonder why you are single?

  2. Love your blog! i cant help but smile or laugh at how you express your search of wisdom, Tuesday's should be better days at the office

  3. @Anonymous: bite me!

    @Anonymous: Thanks...I guess :) let's hope Tuesday is better!

  4. DZ-Chick : you definitely need some time off. Take a sabbatical and get lost (in the good sense)!

  5. You're too frustrated, relax woman! You're too aggressive. I wouldn't like to be around women like you.

    You will never get a man with this attitude. I guess you figured this out already.

  6. You might be experiencing a sense of humour faillure, you need to check on that! ;)

  7. Hahahahaha!! Love it! Was especially bad as after half-term so stories of children at disneyland! Who cares? Am totally with u dz-chick!

  8. what are you up to this weekend hun?
    ha ha

  9. Wow! You are misserable today! No, wait a minute-I think it's actually a general trend with you... Have a strong coffee or a double of that and surprise everyone around you by actualy being extremely enthusiastic and uncharacteristically happy for just one day. I bet there would be another story to write about :)

  10. why don't respond in an algerian crude language ?? with a pretty smile they won't understand :
    -Hey how was your week-end ?
    - :) Wach qawdek !! :)

  11. If you remove from conversations, the weather report and the comments on it... the stories about the last week end and the plans for the next one, Humanity will lose its social characteristic... without society, humanity is lost... Unnecessary discussions are necessary for the survival of human species.

    Think about it next week-end dz-chic..

  12. Chicca you better join the gospel chorus, it is a good and powerful toll to get rid off stress and unwanted emotions. Praise the lord, hallelujah! xxx

  13. Can I have a job in your ideal world office please? I'll even make the coffee for you (silently of course, how much chatter does it take to make and pour a cup of coffee?).

    And, if I can work there, can I also propose an additional rule? - that anyone who organises or even suggests to organise a Monday morning 'Week Kick-off' (a 9am meeting where everybody gathers in the conference room and in turn says what they will be working on that week) should be banished.

    I don't understand the resistance you've received from some commentators. I think you're just pointing out self-evident truths. There is no necessity to speak in the morning, Mondays especially.

  14. Ce qu'il faut répondre c'est:
    "Wa3lach t7awssou 3la rabi !!"

    Toi au moins t'es pas hypocrite. Sauf que dans ce monde il faut l'être, sinon tu passes pour l'asociale agressive (like me :))

  15. Gosh let me're single!

  16. @Homo Erectus: i wish i could...perhaps i will lol

    @Formosa: with that attitude, I'll hire any day of the week, i take my coffee white no sugar please ;)

    @Chatnoire: Yes of course I know, but i was in anti social mood and i believe i was speaking for all monday blusers...

    @S; lol tu me fais rire...after my friends read this, they're all demanding to know what am doing this weekend!! grrrr

    @Anonymous: no shit sherlock...clue is in the title!

  17. LT-Chick - Lithuanian is it?
    Well...when am really nice and passive, people freak out, it's quite funny...they'll be like: who are you and what have you done with dz-chick?

    irulana: Amen sister xx

  18. OH Gosh, I soooo understand you!!!
    I havent commented on any post lately because I am in a very bad mood lately. I remember saying to a former coworker one day "stop smiling with your teeth, if you dont wanna smile with me then just dont!!". I felt so good afterwards :)

  19. Lol Blue you crack me up! Do u think we need anger management?

  20. DZ-Chick, the title is a winner, I love it!!

    The content is priceless and side-splitting....I am sure the hormones had something to do with it. I take you shine as brightly as the sun in London (month of November) on Monday mornings.
    You are such a delight to read!

  21. hahaha! That was funny one! I really liked the part : 'it is not your queue to ask me about my weekend or give me the weather report because I really don’t care, I always carry an umbrella and spare pair of knickers' HILARIOUS! And so true! LOL!


  22. God I was angry!! Glad you still find it amusing, I since have changed and I tend to listen to people ramble on about their weekends now but the question will never come from me. Ha!
    Cheers Miss Polemique

    M.M Isn't the weather the most boring subject ever! if somebody talks to me about the weather I fee instant boredom and I find it difficult to make small talk about cold it is. And I am not the only one I can assure you.


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