The Algerian dating phenomenon

A new dating phenomenon has appeared on the Algerian social scene, I noted.

It seems the international dating rules and etiquette do not apply to the Algerian dating scene, the players make their own rules and play their games against a participating public who is oblivious to these rules, therefore claiming victory at each game and collecting the trophies and titles, leaving behind indignant or wounded parties both on the physical and emotional level, turning this game into a vicious circle that would ultimately have long-term effect on the overall socio-behaviour of the society.

We all know that "dating" comes from western cultures and that it is not really recognized in Islamic cultures, due to the strict rules of non-mixing before marriage, but due to the westernisation of most Islamic nations and the globalisation trend as well as other social activities such as Immigration; dating has become more tolerated and sometimes even encouraged, though it does remain frowned upon and even strictly forbidden in certain countries where free mixing is non-existent such is the case of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Now Algeria seems to be a completely different case; generally speaking you'll find a bit of everything in Algeria. you have the group where social free mixing is completely unheard of and dating is as common as the rain in the Sahara, and other groups where dating is a social activity that is completely accepted and tolerated, although this was not the case 10 years ago, things have changed and a sight of a couple walking down the street hand in hand is not totally shocking, providing you are talking about a big city with busy streets and local cafés and tea-rooms where these couples could sit and enjoy a hassle-free date.
The first group is not so fortunate, as you'll find couples struggling to meet or even talk on the phone, where everything has to be scheduled and schemed carefully or it could mean trouble with the girl’s father or brothers or even in some cases, cousins and uncles, it could even go as far as neighbours in some extreme cases.

Now, in this blog, what I am concerned about isn't the dating itself but the new dating rules or should I say the abolition of these rules and etiquette. Where women have become important players despite the fact that men are still the more prominent ones and are still holding the dices. They have taken it to new levels, where women are usable and disposable and are actually okay with this; Marriage doesn’t even enter the agenda or at least is very cleverly hidden. It is all about non exclusivity, open relationships and affairs. You are a women, therefore you should know this is an open relationship and of determined duration, do not expect more than your given time and do not question the fact that there are more than two in your “relationship”, if you do (question) then you’re jus not open minded enough or at least not interesting – there is an expiration date and limit; its in fact expiration dating.

These players of both genders view their lifestyles as very westernised and therefore very developed and cultured; this is mainly due to the effect of westernisation and viewing everything European or American as cultured, developed and THE standard to follow, leaving indigenous and inherited “social” principals visibly diminished and neglected, which results in a very westernised generation that is torn between the old and the new, Islam and westernisation which could be explained by the socio-behavioural evolution that occurs naturally with the mixing of races and religions through trade and immigration but that is generally speaking, in Algeria specifically, the change is most significant in the younger generation of higher economic status, where financial freedom makes for an easy mean or access to the western world through travel, TV, mobile communication, cinema and fashion. This new generation it seems adopted their own culture and created their own “new” traditions which are a more contemporary urban set of traditions adopted from what they view as suitable for their lifestyles and times, this can be witnessed through the new dating behaviours mentioned above, the mixing of races (international marriages are now becoming a more common trend in Algeria), the wedding celebrations, this behavioural change extends to new dialects created and considered more “HIP”, hair styles and body arts, though we have to visit the issue of the recent Islamic revivalism, many young Algerians have a new found faith, wearing of Hidjab (Islamic veil) is high amongst the youth of middle and lower classes, putting this group in direct conflict with the latter which holds more liberal views. Can this be viewed as diversity? Or a new social concern?

So this brings us conclusively to the question of marriage since dating – the new dating phenomenon has created new rules and criteria’s that surely would affect the marriage decision of the players.
If the core values of the society have been modified, what are the criteria they based their searches for life partners on? Keeping the same dating criteria is not something impossible but quite rare, showing the hypocritical behaviour this dating phenomenon has engendered.

Reminiscing

A Cynic and a chicken apparently…..

…..I did it – I got rid of him, I beat my own record of 2 weeks of perfect harmony and happiness. It was too good to be true. Something had to give. It didn’t so I made it happen.

A perfect and happy start. He calls me, he’s attentive, supportive and sweet, says all the RIGHT things, he clearly has done his homework, I guess it’s normal for a man his age to be ready the way he is. I felt a glimmer, nay a molecule of distance and I find myself running for the exit. He calls me a chicken cut cut cut coooooooooot (and I roll my eyes)... yes I am and I would rather be a chicken than a broken woman.

I have now relaxed about him - there are so many men on the scene I got bored all together - I am focusing my mind on other things right now, and it's working, it got my mind off these mini dramas we create to make our lives more interesting...well I though my life is interesting so no more dramas, well maybe one last one perhaps as I am sending the chocolates in a few days - so stay tuned!
Ps: I have no good or bad feeling about the outcome of this little manoeuvre

.....Whatever happens, I will be FINE.

RelationSHITS - PART II

Going back to the relationSHITS blog...I have news, some of you might say: as expected!

I have ended the pseudo-relationship I had with him last night. I feel somewhat sad but relieved. No longer have to worry about contact or lack of.

His argument was quite clear – we have to wait until we meet in the flesh to be able to decide whether we can start something together. He is so obviously worried about physical contact; his exact words I believe were “what if you won’t even feel like kissing me, what if you won’t even fancy me, I just hope you won’t get any nasty surprises”

My argument went something like “I don’t mind the distance and the waiting, but I cannot wait for someone who doesn’t encourage me to, what are you promising me or what are my guarantees for waiting for you? Anybody can meet someone else or anything could happen, you need to give me something to wait for, you ask me to be patient, yet you discourage my patience with your total absence and lack of contact or compassion, so I am taking my bets off the table and if fate has it we meet again – so be it”

This gentlemen holds precise and accurate information about my future (short term) plans, he knows where he can meet me and how. I am going to leave it to fate. If he shows up on the day of my arrival, then I will be happy to give it another try…I like this guy…I gave him up last night but I know in doing so I probably saved what we have. I feel there is some kind of cosmic reason for all of this…that or I am just hormonal and a bit erratic.

Things will unfold…I feel it in my bones….stay tuned.

Table for 1 Please!

...anytime of the day it's a completely normal thing to hear or say, post 8pm it's considered tragic...what on earth makes us feel this way?

I learnt that eating out alone isn’t tragic at all…unless you’re in a hip down town restaurant on Valentines Day or Christmas Eve …then feel free to be sad, because you are, if I was single I wouldn’t be caught dead in a restaurant dining alone.

Well I used to have a boyfriend, so the need for table for 1 never really occurred. Now that I am single, it still never really happens due to the large number of good friends I have around me and my networking schedule doesn’t allow me to dine alone, as there is always someone to see or something to meet about, So unless it’s in the daytime at Starbucks or in some joint grabbing a quick bite you wouldn’t hear me utter the words – Table for 1 please or no it’s just me!!. The fact that I feel it’s sad to go out to dinner to a nice restaurant on my own is really getting to me though hence this blog– I resent the feeling, why should I feel like that? What makes us feel like that? Is it people’s expectations? Judgment?

We all have the same dilemma, we don’t even realise it, we are all conditioned to pick up the phone and dial a friend’s number to accompany us to our favourite restaurant or to the theatre! Even when some of us could really do with some alone time, just because people will probably look and think “wow eating alone!” You see I don’t think people would necessarily find it sad, they’ll find it endearing and feel envious, wishing they could have the guts to do that themselves.

Well…I eat alone but mostly on holidays since I travel alone most of the time, I have no issue in getting a table for one, also knowing that you'll always have someone join you for a drink or desert especially when you're an attractive young lady – That’s right gentlemen I am. But I don’t always accept the company; sometimes I get on with writing my travel journals and report my daily adventures, in my–try-to-be witty but inevitably failed way.

It is a different story once you're back in town. I would feel rather weird going to dinner alone unless it's my local place where they'd know me and I'd feel like I am at home or if I was waiting for someone or doing some research or reading, it’s almost as though you need an armour and a book, a blackberry or newspaper provide just that.

Now the cinema is a different story. I respect people who go to the cinema alone, no no I go one more I encourage them to do so. What is wrong with that? I got a few sad looks from some people once because I was alone!! I laughed, I mean what’s wrong with going alone to a place where you need to keep quiet anyway…you wont be having a meaningful conversation and going solo is recommended for so many reasons, where do I start; you get to choose your seat without anybody interfering with their specific requirements of – the seat has to be 5 rows down and 10 up, with 7 seats one each side! The arm rest is mine on the left so you can have the one on the right but I also get to hog the one between us because you got to choose the movie. What a palaver it must be to be in a couple.
Go alone and enjoy the experience which you’ve paid for, you come out and there is still plenty of time to get together with your friends and talk about the movie.

It can be the same for theatres or museums. For me these experiences are to be cherished so best to go alone, obviously there are exceptions where it’s best to be accompanied for museums visits so you can bounce ideas off one another and share knowledge of paintings or pieces. And musicals or theatre, well just to dance together at the end when they make you all stand up! (cringeworthy really)

I have come to the conclusion over the years that sometimes yourself is the best company you can ever wish for and spending time with yourself is a very positive, cherished, enlightening and above all a relaxing experience so maybe we should all stop worrying and set ourselves the challenge of asking for a table for one after 8pm, maybe start off with just a coffee, second time maybe a quick salad and if you feel totally comfortable with it, go for the whole meal, after all I am the best person I can ever be with so why not have dinner with ME.

Cynics Anonymous

Hi, my name is **** and I am a cynic - aholic.

I believe cynicism is intractably linked to high expectations and the result of these expectations being unfulfilled, which results in disappoinments and the loss of faith in the subject (regardless of it being people, a profession or government) in my case it’s mostly friends and men.

We all start off as optimistic, happy if a little naive - growing up, your life experiences start to mould you into who you are today, a hopeful optimistic or a negative pessimistic or a cynic all together. Which is worse since you don’t believe in the good or the bad - you just don’t believe in people anymore.

After a series of disappointments, how can one keep the level of optimism one needs to survive the next batch of disappointments that is to come - oh yes trust me - there is always more.

I am cynical in my humour, I am cynical in my outlook on life, and I am cynical on my take on men and work and everything else...what happened to me! I used to be the happiest person I know, but I do still have an element of naivety – maybe there is hope yet for me

This interest in writing about cynicism came about after I "met" someone, who claims to be very interested in me and has "serious" intentions towards me, calls me and emails me, says all the right things, he is perfect and I guess could be believable to any women ready to believe - well the problem is - I AM NOT. I do not believe him and I take everything he says with a pinch of salt, I don't return his calls or respond to his emails. I deleted his number to restrain myself from calling him - not because I am playing hard to get - but because I am so cynical that I cannot allow myself to believe anything that WILL result in me getting hurt again. I can see the whole scenario like a movie in my head already - I will fall for him, He'll have someone else or cheat on me, I will leave him and I go back to being cynical and single.

I admit I feel vulnerable - because these disappointments have slowly chipped away my armour, so my heart is ready to believe but my brain screams NOOOOO. And being a logical person with very strong will power I evidently follow my brain.

I really want to believe him and give him and myself a chance to make it work and maybe even -god forbid- be happy...do I need help? What a scary thought.