Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Cynics Anonymous

Hi, my name is **** and I am a cynic - aholic.

I believe cynicism is intractably linked to high expectations and the result of these expectations being unfulfilled, which results in disappoinments and the loss of faith in the subject (regardless of it being people, a profession or government) in my case it’s mostly friends and men.

We all start off as optimistic, happy if a little naive - growing up, your life experiences start to mould you into who you are today, a hopeful optimistic or a negative pessimistic or a cynic all together. Which is worse since you don’t believe in the good or the bad - you just don’t believe in people anymore.

After a series of disappointments, how can one keep the level of optimism one needs to survive the next batch of disappointments that is to come - oh yes trust me - there is always more.

I am cynical in my humour, I am cynical in my outlook on life, and I am cynical on my take on men and work and everything else...what happened to me! I used to be the happiest person I know, but I do still have an element of naivety – maybe there is hope yet for me

This interest in writing about cynicism came about after I "met" someone, who claims to be very interested in me and has "serious" intentions towards me, calls me and emails me, says all the right things, he is perfect and I guess could be believable to any women ready to believe - well the problem is - I AM NOT. I do not believe him and I take everything he says with a pinch of salt, I don't return his calls or respond to his emails. I deleted his number to restrain myself from calling him - not because I am playing hard to get - but because I am so cynical that I cannot allow myself to believe anything that WILL result in me getting hurt again. I can see the whole scenario like a movie in my head already - I will fall for him, He'll have someone else or cheat on me, I will leave him and I go back to being cynical and single.

I admit I feel vulnerable - because these disappointments have slowly chipped away my armour, so my heart is ready to believe but my brain screams NOOOOO. And being a logical person with very strong will power I evidently follow my brain.

I really want to believe him and give him and myself a chance to make it work and maybe even -god forbid- be happy...do I need help? What a scary thought.

9 comments:

  1. Only 1 comment for this...poor you dz-chick...
    I think I already told you this...once you won't feel how it gets there...but you'll find him or he will do!
    So live your life as a peacful stream of water and let it go!...

    Ma yebka fel oued ghir hjaro...you're a hajra you'll fine your soulmate hajra!

    PS: didnt mean hajra in a bad way...such as rassek yabess ki el hajra

    PS2: I am colonizing your blog...will reduce a bit!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was ages agod DzCheikh! I wouldn't worry about it now! :)

    But your advice is timeless...so it's taken into consideration.

    You're not taking over the blog, please be my guest ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not sure yet whether you're a cynic without or just have a sharp mind. I think they often appear to be the same thing, or even combined - nothing at all wrong with a sharp cynic.

    But being happy about how you think and analyse life... now that's a question.

    I've got a favourite quote from a book by Cormac Mccarthy (No Country for Old Men)....
    "...I aint got all that many regrets. I could imagine lots of things you might think would make a man happier. I reckon bein able to walk around might be one. You can make up your own list. You might even have one. I think by the time you're grown you're as happy as you're goin to be. You'll have good times and bad times, but in the end you'll be about as happy as you was before. Or as unhappy. I've knowed people that just never did get the hang of it."

    I like this idea that happiness is a thing learned rather than something that happens to you or gets taken away against your will.

    So being an optimistic cynic myself (and proud of it!), I think since you got the hang of being happy at some point ("...once was the happiest person I knew..."), it is like riding a bike. You don't forget.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Interesting viewpoint Formosa; I am a closeted optimist with cynical opinions...So I guess I also could qualify as an optimistic cynic

    My dad told me something once and it stayed with me "if you think you will regret doing something, try not to do it" and I try to apply it sometimes but it gets boring so I tend to go against it when I am happy and having a blast!

    ReplyDelete
  5. [just realised I left a word out in the first sentence - should have been '...cynic without hope or...' ]

    Just to help you justify yourself to your dad's advice about anything crazy you may have done, the act of boring yourself by not doing things is itself a thing you will regret. But otherwise, as advice giving goes that seems a good one, I'll borrow that one from your Dad if I may.

    Can you help me with the thread on this? The guy you mention in this (Sept '08), is this the same guy that gets the heave-ho in November '08?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yep same guy!
    You may re: dads advice :) I agree it's a good one though you apply your own judgement when it comes to moments/ things you know you will regret doing and regret not doing

    I never regretted him, he couldn't have been right for me :)
    I haven't many regrets either though what I do regret I do so deeply like some choices I made that could have made my life so different but I live with them and I try to make the best out of what I have and what I am.

    ReplyDelete
  7. DZ-Chick how touching dear! I hope that your cynicism has subsided but I know better as I have read your recent submissions and can still detect traces, ok maybe blocks.........Disappointments are linked to high expectations...metaphorically it is best to start with a skeleton and build on it rather than starting with a full body and stripping it off as we go along.

    People are prone to making mistakes as our imperfections are essentially part of our being subsequently we will disappoint even those we love the most.

    'I am so cynical that I cannot allow myself to believe anything that WILL result in me getting hurt again' have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?

    You are extremely talented, you clearly have a lot going for you and still so much to offer. Your cynicism is quite cute as it translates beautifully in humour. Some cynicism is just reality and some if simply pessimistic attitude, keep it positive sister.

    ReplyDelete

Most popular ramblings!