Tuesday, 31 March 2009

The Algerian dating phenomenon

A new dating phenomenon has appeared on the Algerian social scene, I noted.

It seems the international dating rules and etiquette do not apply to the Algerian dating scene, the players make their own rules and play their games against a participating public who is oblivious to these rules, therefore claiming victory at each game and collecting the trophies and titles, leaving behind indignant or wounded parties both on the physical and emotional level, turning this game into a vicious circle that would ultimately have long-term effect on the overall socio-behaviour of the society.

We all know that "dating" comes from western cultures and that it is not really recognized in Islamic cultures, due to the strict rules of non-mixing before marriage, but due to the westernisation of most Islamic nations and the globalisation trend as well as other social activities such as Immigration; dating has become more tolerated and sometimes even encouraged, though it does remain frowned upon and even strictly forbidden in certain countries where free mixing is non-existent such is the case of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Now Algeria seems to be a completely different case; generally speaking you'll find a bit of everything in Algeria. you have the group where social free mixing is completely unheard of and dating is as common as the rain in the Sahara, and other groups where dating is a social activity that is completely accepted and tolerated, although this was not the case 10 years ago, things have changed and a sight of a couple walking down the street hand in hand is not totally shocking, providing you are talking about a big city with busy streets and local caf├ęs and tea-rooms where these couples could sit and enjoy a hassle-free date.
The first group is not so fortunate, as you'll find couples struggling to meet or even talk on the phone, where everything has to be scheduled and schemed carefully or it could mean trouble with the girl’s father or brothers or even in some cases, cousins and uncles, it could even go as far as neighbours in some extreme cases.

Now, in this blog, what I am concerned about isn't the dating itself but the new dating rules or should I say the abolition of these rules and etiquette. Where women have become important players despite the fact that men are still the more prominent ones and are still holding the dices. They have taken it to new levels, where women are usable and disposable and are actually okay with this; Marriage doesn’t even enter the agenda or at least is very cleverly hidden. It is all about non exclusivity, open relationships and affairs. You are a women, therefore you should know this is an open relationship and of determined duration, do not expect more than your given time and do not question the fact that there are more than two in your “relationship”, if you do (question) then you’re jus not open minded enough or at least not interesting – there is an expiration date and limit; its in fact expiration dating.

These players of both genders view their lifestyles as very westernised and therefore very developed and cultured; this is mainly due to the effect of westernisation and viewing everything European or American as cultured, developed and THE standard to follow, leaving indigenous and inherited “social” principals visibly diminished and neglected, which results in a very westernised generation that is torn between the old and the new, Islam and westernisation which could be explained by the socio-behavioural evolution that occurs naturally with the mixing of races and religions through trade and immigration but that is generally speaking, in Algeria specifically, the change is most significant in the younger generation of higher economic status, where financial freedom makes for an easy mean or access to the western world through travel, TV, mobile communication, cinema and fashion. This new generation it seems adopted their own culture and created their own “new” traditions which are a more contemporary urban set of traditions adopted from what they view as suitable for their lifestyles and times, this can be witnessed through the new dating behaviours mentioned above, the mixing of races (international marriages are now becoming a more common trend in Algeria), the wedding celebrations, this behavioural change extends to new dialects created and considered more “HIP”, hair styles and body arts, though we have to visit the issue of the recent Islamic revivalism, many young Algerians have a new found faith, wearing of Hidjab (Islamic veil) is high amongst the youth of middle and lower classes, putting this group in direct conflict with the latter which holds more liberal views. Can this be viewed as diversity? Or a new social concern?

So this brings us conclusively to the question of marriage since dating – the new dating phenomenon has created new rules and criteria’s that surely would affect the marriage decision of the players.
If the core values of the society have been modified, what are the criteria they based their searches for life partners on? Keeping the same dating criteria is not something impossible but quite rare, showing the hypocritical behaviour this dating phenomenon has engendered.

7 comments:

  1. DZ-Chick aka DZ Banksy, I will venture on a totally unknown territory here as I am disappointed by the lack of response on this serious post....I have never dated an Algerian man, well actually I did recently but his father was French (de souche) and besides his mother, appearance and name he had no Algerian identity whatsoever......I diverted, apologies.

    Bref, dating in the Algerian community could only alter due to our location and the era we live in.
    Algerian men/women as any men/women nowadays can have the cake and eat it, unsure about this English expression.....let's try it in French ils veulent le beurre et l'argent du beurre and they clearly can.

    Consequently there is no hurry to get hitched as they can play the field. If sex is available on tap, no marriage certificate is a pre-requisite. It is now acceptable to have pre-marital sex and rightly so.

    Entre parantheses, compatibility in the bedroom department is as essential to a couple as compatibility in personality. Nonetheless a premature intimacy in a relationship might blur the lines and interfere with clear judgement. Good sex=good relationship, wrong equation evidently.

    You have mentioned an eyebrow-raising issue: open relationship. Are Algerians really emulating Europeans (messed up ones that is) or simply taking the p***?
    They will never allow a woman they care for to engage with any other man and their yearning for non-exclusivity is a clear indicator that this 'relationship' is a sham.

    'you have the group where social free mixing is completely unheard of and dating is as common as the rain in the Sahara,'
    Each of your post are induced with wit and I just love the above sentence.






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  2. 'you have the group where social free mixing is completely unheard of and dating is as common as the rain in the Sahara,'
    Each of your post are induced with wit and I just love the above sentence.

    I also liked that sentence in particular. Very interesting!
    But in my opinion, I never heard of socially accepted dating in Algeria, even in big cities or in capital. I think among no matter what class, upper or middle, but as long as it is traditional, religious, and conservative family, dating is not accepted and if any young girl or boy wants to do that, better do that in hiding. Because if father, brother, uncle (as you correctly mentioned) hears about it - that means troubles for sure!

    all the best

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  3. "...the players make their own rules and play their games against a participating public who is oblivious to these rules, therefore claiming victory at each game and collecting the trophies and titles, leaving behind indignant or wounded parties both on the physical and emotional level..."

    that right there resonates perfectly with how i felt. i liked this one algerian girl who utterly shattered me. she led me on then when she got to where, or what she wanted, dropped me like piping hot stone. i never asked her any question after she brokened me... if its ment to be, it will, but in the mean time i set off to understand her culture more and stumbled onto this heaven sent blog. ummm yeah she was the first and only algerian i know lol

    DZ-Chick,reading your posts on your blog make for a good understanding of algerian culture and ways of thinking. im east african myself so im from a totaly different culture all together.

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  4. Thanks for reviving this old post guys;
     
    Miss Polemique The Algerian dating I wrote about above is based in Algeria, I didn’t know any Algerians in the UK back then and had no idea what was going on in here, I was merely refereeing to my knowledge of the dating phenomenon in Algeria, where as the expression says “the donkey rides its master” and lines are blurred, social norms upheld but bent and everybody gets used and abused.
     
    Also, dating is becoming more and more socially accepted notably in larger and more urban areas, affecting directly the average marrying age.
     
    I have just re-read my post since I wrote it back in 2009, wow, intense! Not a spec of humour…
     
    KiloMetric
    I am sorry to hear about your bad experience…at the hands of this Algerian girl, though I couldn’t even pretend to understand or offer you explanations, people are different and Algerians are not made from one mould. I do hope some of my posts might shed a faint light on what motivated your ex to do what she did.
     
    Anything or anyone not from Algeria will find it difficult to understand, alors la East Africa. :)

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  5. hahahaha yeah your posts have deluged me with a lot of light. i havent given up on anything just because of that one bad experience.i accept all experieces... they are building blocks. dont bother trying to give an explanantion yet, i havent asked any questions :). im slowly piecing her behaviours with what im reading so i understand her more now. and a lot is to do with culture and societal acceptance...

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  6. since when algerians started dating? 2 years ago 3 years ago? we are not used to dating and it didnt come with a manual ..so we are doing it our own way :D

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  7. London is a great place to be out and about dating as there is a wealth of things to do, so much so that every date can be different to the last!dating in london

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