Friday 28 September 2012

The Algerian Imago Mundi

I’ve been staring at this map for a while now, trying to make sense of it. As much as some parts of it are sarcastic, predicable, funny even, it remains extremely ignorant.

First thing that should jumps to you head, is to enquire: WHO the hell do you think you are? Then comes a series of other thoughts, sighs, some infuriating, others just humorous and endearing, but mostly I’ll have to stick with shock horror.

Let me take you through this “hilarious” version of the world according the average deluded, ignorant and quite funny (in a fucked up way) Algerian.

- Let’s start by the centre of the world and of this map. Really where else? Algeria.

Algerians are strong believers in the evil eye and hence it literally says 5 in your eyes, which of course you should know refers to the hand of fatma  which is the symbol of the evil eye warding annulet or whatever it actually meas. Of course Algeria is green because it’s so prosperous, I can only presume.

* To its left you’ll see the Red Morocco (I assume because of the Red Moroccan flag but who knows) but I will have to contact the author Kamel Labiad. Our reference is “We close borders on them, because they always beat us”, yes Algerian-Moroccan borders have been like revolving doors, closing and opening due to may political and sometimes outrageously silly reasons I cant quote any. Don’t ask me. As for the “they always beats us” that’s just defeatism my dear Kamel, it’s so middle class.
* Just below that you see the little amber land of Western Sahara aka POLISARIO – just to piss off Morocco. Need I say more?
* To the right of prosperous Algeria, you see Tunisia, it’s also green and labelled simply and concisely “summer” hence that’s where a large number of Algerians head every summer for their yearly vacations. Nothing more, nothing less.
* Then comes another green land, though it ought to be pale and yellow, Libya. The only reference for it is GADAFFI and that’s it quite rightly, when have you every heard of someone else from Libya besides Gaddafi? Ok maybe that psychotic son of his. Did you know Gaddafi has his own wax work at the London Mme Tussdauds Museum?
* Ah no too fast. There’s a Yellow land next to Libya is a once upon a time great land called Egypt, our sources coming mostly through and from football it says “we’re better than you”, because even when Egypt wins we are still better than them. That’s just the way it is.
* Besides these amazingly important countries, the rest is of course BLACK as night, anything sub Saharan is black and is AFRICA.
* Safe for the little brown corner on east Africa where it says Hunger and drought and of course South Africa right on the edge of the African continent, who are seen as “slightly more civilised blacks”. That’s fighting talk.

Notice how colours start to cheer up as you head northward towards Europe?
* Everything in Western Europe is refereed to as FRANSA, the source of all civilisation, I think we ought to add “where bananas come from” safe for Marseille which is of course the 49th province of Algeria. Really France ought to hand it over.
* Germany in randomly or not, Orange, as you MUST know, Algeria played Germany in the Football World cup in 1982. They will never EVER forget it, by that I mean, we will never let them forget it.
* The huge purple land is our 3rd /5th hand weapon dealer, Russia, in bracket is: where we buy hand me down weapons.
* Below that, the red land of communist China, I am guessing…
The red land of the Chinese spreads as far as Australasia and all the way to Turkey and parts of Eastern Europe, of course they are Gog and Magog, they must have turned everything on their way to CHINA or devoured them all.
* AL QAIDA is thrown in the middle of it all in purple, presumably where Afghanistan is supposed to be but off by a few hundred miles, of course not eradicated by the Chinese, because….yeah.
* If you are any good at Geography, you’d know where India is.  My job is just to explain what it says: Janitou. An old Bollywood movie telling the story of a young handicapped orphan child in India called Janitou. Back in the day (70s) Algerian TV played this film every Thursday afternoon (beginning of the weekend) and everybody knew the words to Janitou, it became the co-dependant national anthem of Algeria.
* The red land there where Saudi Arabia is supposed to be is of course “The Muslims”, the holy land of Islam and where Islam is claimed.
* The small blue dot clinging to it is “The dammed Jews” and in between brackets it says “temporary state”, is it temporary or imaginary state?
* Japan is in the pacific, sitting in yellow and labelled “the real Chinese” which I think is random, or maybe they have been better represented in the movies than the Chinese, with martial arts and other stereotypes and generalities I don’t feel like listing.
* Australia is green and called Europe, because obviously it’s another green, prosperous land to be conquered or illegally immigrating to.

The North Pole sits in a white lump; the South Pole is labelled “the north pole of the south” …as I type this, I feel almost silly really covering this.

The American continent is spilt into 5 parts, Canada/Alaska become one ice bucket in what is labelled “too cold”, the US of A is in red and labelled “sons of Christ and movies” for obvious reasons, Mexico in brown (I wonder if the colours are actually relevant to these misconceptions) is labelled “Kassandra” and this is perhaps not as obvious to you, it is in fact in reference to a Mexican soap that was broadcasted in Algeria that was dubbed in Arabic.

Then Ronaldo for Brazil because everyone in Algeria can tell you where Ronaldo is from, funnily enough they can also tell you where Maradona, Thierry Henri and Beckham are from, because Football is a national affair you understand.

The yellow part of Latin America is where “Pepero and the golden Eagle” reside, I have a vague recollection of this cartoon shown when I was a kid back in Algeria, and I think Pepero was from South America somewhere.

And finally let’s not forget about Great Britain in dark blue, which of course says “Manchester United” the greatest football club ever until Barca came along? I don’t really know or care about football

The above are not my opinions or those of the author or the picture Kamel Labiad, but those of the below average Algerian who views the world through their TV sets, cartoons and soaps, through football and old history taught in school before he left (school). The Algerian who thinks anything outside of his territory is alien, negative southward and positive northward, expect for South Africa, it’s a special case.

This is not an insult to Algerians, to Blacks or Chinese, this is just the poor and obvious ignorance of a segment of a certain nation, and how they view their imago Mundi, and I don’t think the Polish, French or American imago mundi would be so much different. I would love to see the American one in fact.

Dz-Chick….in my imago mundi, I am the earth.
listen to janitou you'll love it, the whole of Algeria does. Here


  1. je t'ai découvertes à ravers jeune vie algeroise, et franchement, tu es mille fois mieux qu'elle.
    je comprends pas pourquoi les gens apprecient son site.

    keep rolling, this a funny map ( and in arabic, yeah this is the way!)

  2. Haha, this ridiculous yet funny map has been drifting over facebook pages for quite a while. But it's the first time someone dig up info on the guy who made it. Dz Chick, do you really think the average algerian sees the wolrd as it's depicted here?

    Boy, i hope not. It conveys some undoubted truths though, like our racism against black people. I mean even when some of my friends start cracking jokes on black people, and i know theyre not racist, their humor can be quite shocking...Don't even get me started on the 2009 Panafrican Fest. What a disaster!


  3. DZ-Chick,

    This is clearly not your opinions as you don't come across as a narrow-minded, unenlightened individual, quite the contrary.....hence my reverence for you and for your great blog.

    Diamond, gold, oil, iron, silver, uranium and woods are rife in Sub-Saharian Africa and yet again most of the richest continent in natural resources has been reduced to a bleak area. This imago mundi demonstrates the ignorance of the average Algerian but also the bigotry in DZ which is as abundant as oil and gas, thinking of it...... our prejudices probably exceed all our natural resources put together.
    The source of all civilisations is undoubtedly and historically Africa and the Middle East NOT Europe. Europeans lived in caves, eating raw meat a few hundred years ago while Africa, the Middle East and Asia were trading and living in opulence.

    I do not want to offend our Europeans/white counterparts but history is history and one cannot deny facts. Growing up in France, we were taught that Louis XIV only took three baths in his lifetime, that's right in his LIFETIME! Louis XIV's aversion to cleanliness was notorious nonetheless he wasn't an isolated case as the average French person only bathed once a year in the
    18th century. Enough said on the matter!

    The rest of the map was not as offensive, it just exposed the general obtuse attitude we found in our community. *cover face in shame*

    DZ-Bansky, thank you for breaking it down for us and for your facetious input that brightened up this otherwise solemn topic: the average Algerian small-mindedness.

    'In my imago mundi, I am Earth' how beautiful and profound...........with all due RESPECT, this is by far the highlight of this post.
    DZ-Chick, in the blog mundo, you are my Earth!

  4. Good effort DzChik, and you did well to finish the blog this way, otherwise you'll get hammered by many Algerians ;)

    Just a couple of remarks, I think the 'author' of this is called Kamel Lablad, don't you think?
    Also, Moroccan beat us, I think he meant they beat us in football (me think) which is true, they have by far the better head-to-head record.

    Delboy, the comeback ;)

  5. @el7arrag rightly so dear...... Many Algerians tend to view Black people as subhumans which is frankly EMBARASSING!!

    I wonder if it's a residue of colonialism or just an Arab (many of whom are actually black) predisposition? Either way it is ludicrous, repulsive, excessively perturbing and vulgar.

  6. I voted for "funny" and "cool" post.
    Concerning Morroco and Tunisia, I think that algerian people consider these two countries better then Algeria. but they would never admit it..

    The world map according to yankees

  7. Janitouuuuuuu yaaaa maninaaaaaaaaaaa. Racism in Algeria is due to siliness no one makes the effort to discover new cultures/people/traditions, we just watch silly movies and shitty channels (el yatima for instance) and then just think it is the real thing, we are not equipped to detect humour and 2nd degree. And concerning Morroco the author forgot to mention "Zatla land" shame on him what an ignorant person he should revise his geography

  8. Very funny.... Really enjoyed it!!!! Loved the Franca reference :))))) somehow some sad truth in the blog though.

  9. i was anticipating some comebacks on my previous post but no one obliged :( - am gutted.

  10. @Miss Polecmique: i have to agree with DZC and Elaswed, to me it's the fear of what's different, combined to an amazing ignorance and lack of interest when it comes to foreign cultures. Not to mention that silly and strong belief that "hnaya foooooorts"!

  11. @elhadrablesh point taken, nonetheless most of the world is different to us, yet again there is a consensus aversion of black people in our community and an unreasonable reverence to Europeans & their white skin.

    I can still remember my grandmother's recurring comments, 'hiya sheba besaff, on dirait une francaise' or 'hiya zina mais c'est dommage hiya kehla'.........needless to say la sheba would not, by any white standards, be considered beautiful or even cute. As for the kehla, she was referring to my big sister whose complexion is considered basanee not even brown-skinned.
    When I relate those stories to my Algerian friends, of course they have similar disconcerting anecdotes.

    Evidently as an Algerian individual I have heard heinous comment about black people which I am too mortified to repeat.......please refer to DZ-Chick's post 'An Algerian girl in Africa' published in May 2011, the first comment is a mild version of our men's mindset.

    @El Aswed, unfortunately this ignorance stretches to the Algerian diaspora

    @Stalker in response to your comment on the previous post, I am chillaxed mate but I don't condone la khagra ;-)

  12. El 7arrag wasn’t very difficult to get hold of him, obviously.
     The map portrays what is quintessentially Algerian; arrogance, ignorance and humour.
    Miss Polemique thanks for your continuous support. I am getting used to your pertinent and funny comments :)
    That’s quite profound “DZ-Chick, in the blog mundo, you are my Earth” I am humbled. Thank you.
    Although Algerians can be racist, they can also very naïve, generous and very helpful, so it’s all done on a humours tone.
    Delboy Welcome back, Kamel Lablad ha ha yeah
    I get it now; Kamel has emailed me to inform me about the Moroccan innuendo.
    Isis Cheers. And thanks also for sharing the map according to the Yankees. I had a good laugh at that one too; it’s really “the generalistic views of a chav” regardless of what country this chav is from, for they are everywhere. Maybe they’re the real Gog and Mogag.
    El Aswed Janitou tells you everything you need to know about India, everybody knows that. Nobody needs to even visit.

  13. Je confirme chère Single Algerian girl in London que je suis algerienne et j'adooore Janitou ! (pour d'eventuels statistiques ....)
    Ton blog est super , bonne continuation.

  14. stakar - stalker3 October 2012 at 17:24

    and dz xhick she dont even reply to me no more.

  15. Merci miss Anonymous, tu peux m'appeler Dz-Chick :)

    Stalker-Stalker aww don't be so sad, I love all my Stalkers, where would I be without all my Stalkers especially the one with a certain IP address that's being handed to the police for malicious communication :) he's my favourite.

  16. awww yeh can never b too cautious wid dem characters innit

  17. Not Another Anonymous4 October 2012 at 15:37

    chicka, are you weary of Miss Polémique?

    she's sexier, juicier and fitter. she can also handle herself on the blog and on the streets with 6ft martial heart experts.

  18. @DZ-Banksy, thank YOU for providing me with such a great source of entertainment, sister you rock!

    @Not Another Anonymous How would you know that?! Ludicrous assumption and don't stir shit please, it's just not cool!! (you forgot I have no sense of humour..) Your reference to the 6ft tall martial 'heart' expert is funny however, I see you do read all the comments ;-)
    Now please do repent and ask dz-chick for forgiveness for talking non sense on her space. Sois sage mec!

  19. En panne oula en deuil?

  20. Faut appeler un mécano... Une bonne grosse clé à molette et roule ma poule..

  21. subtile!
    Je préfère un bon Techno ingénieur avec une grosse USB ...pour faire un ptit backup.

  22. Pour un ptit backup pas besoin de grosse USB.. Tu manges avec les yeux ??

  23. Peut être!! Mais j'ai bcp de data... Grosse USB where art thou... Na3dine!!!

  24. Moi j'en manque grave. J'ai acheté un chien que j'ai appelé data pour combler mon manque mais rien ne vaut une source de données généreuse et chaude... Na3dine!!!

  25. What the heck are you guys talking about? Sex?

  26. I thought it was obvious.. Data transfer..

  27. "in my imago mundi, I am the earth."
    Hell ! that's clearly a lot of data to handle..

  28. grosse usb = gros penis?

  29. @toi même : grosse USB = grosse dose d'amour yakhi esprit m3awej yakhi!

  30. I swear it looks like it was the same person talking and answering on here!

    Let's keep it clean boys and girls please! It's about what Homo Erectus said; data transfer and yeah a hell of a lot to handle. Personne n'est de taille ... Again no pun intended!


  31. I swear only the last anonymous is me.

    "Personne n'est de taille..."

    Glass ceiling woman is back....

  32. USB connection male to femelle --> data transfer sexuel (exchange of DNA via bodily fluids i.e. data)

  33. Anonymous there are so many of you, you better choose a pseudo and stink to it and YES I am cynical , always and forever ....

    Moi meme what's with the sexual references? Dirty minded va!

  34. DZ-Chick : time for another witty post of yours! It's been a long time..

    Off-topic but anyone knows what happened to Mina's blog (jeune vie algéroise)?

  35. Wakab Coming very soon don't fret

  36. You're taking this way too seriously. It was just intended as a satirical post on the most common stereotypes the average Algerian has of world populations. It's very similar to other maps done for other countries.

    By "the real Chinese", it's meant that their products (the Japanese and the Koreans) are of better quality.

    By "متطورين شوية", I think he meant "more advanced" (which implies more "infrastructure", "science", etc) rather then "more civilised" (which might implie more "behavior"). But in either case, the only reason they've been so is the marked presence of the Euros there who brought there ways with them. Although they've been quickly devolving back recently since the end of Apartheid.

    The one about western Latin American countries was ridiculous though. Who the hell is Pepero?! Most today's Algerians haven't even heard of it. Not representative of Algerians at all.

    @Miss Polemique - Most Algerian men find the typical euro phenotype more desirable and the negro repulsive, get over it.

  37. Really? Didn't think I was taking it as seriously as Miss Polemique :D
    I was analysing more I reckon! Either way the fact you don't know Peperou is alarming to me! What the hell man ;)

  38. Just looked it up (I should've done that right from the start). Yeah, apparently it was a rather popular cartoon that's supposed to take place in Latin America. But I'm a 90s boy, so I didn't catch that one. Anything about Maroco, Pokemon, or Cassandra though, I'm your man!

  39. Who? lol
    I know Pokemon but anything else is wasted on me! haha


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