Thursday 5 May 2011

Les A-Peut-Pristes

Growing up in Algeria, every Friday (weekend), I used to sit and watch my brother play football with his mates, he was so rubbish that he was only allowed to be the goal keeper, he didn’t seem to have any ambition to stop any balls, as enthusiastic as a diabetic at Baskin&Robin, he’d give a half-hearted sideway jump, raise his hands and say “Allah ghaleb”(1)

My dad branded him “apeupriste” a made up word derived from “A peut pret”(2), which epitomises the traits of the regular Algerian, no effort, no enthusiasm, no desire to excel, just get by, as long as he’s standing in the field or wearing a tracksuit, then he is playing sport, a similar approach to work and to life in general is noticed with many subjects observed in my many years of being Algerian.

Needless to say my brother grew up to be chubby.

My dad like other Algerians is judgmental, critical and calls everybody an a-peut-priste, Algerians are all lazy, they don’t want to work, he says, they prefer to gossip, hold walls, smoke, eat their mothers food and criticise their girlfriends and wives for not coming remotely close, wake up at 40 to find themselves still living in their mothers skirts and asking their sisters for pocket money, driving their sisters cars and be completely dependent on them (sisters), whilst at the same time maintaining complete control over the sisters independence. Can I borrow your car and 1000 dinars, oh and do stay at home.

No pleases, as you know we don’t have the word please in Algerian, they say the “please” is implied in the tone of the voice or they’ll finish the sentence with a prayer in the likes of “yerham babak” or “t3ich”. Even our language is incomplete.

Throughout school, and growing up in Algeria, you learn to be happy with mediocrity and celebrate a Baccalaureate with “mention passable” (3) and say Hamdoulah(4), when things go wrong after a whole ten minutes of trying to solve an issue, giving up is acceptable, just say maaliche (5) it’s fine like that, just leave it and hope it won’t get noticed or that someone else picks up the work.

It is something that stays with you and which will emerge in everything you endeavour later on in life, I don’t want to be an apeutpriste but along with being hot blooded, having dark hair, knowing everything, owning a pair of ray bans and a Levis 501, never bothering to read instruction manuals or user guides and living with the mantra of “there is always tomorrow” and Allah Ghaleb; I cannot help it. I am Algerian.

------------------------------------
(1) God’s will or something
(2) close enough or approximately
(3) C mark or pass mark
(4) Thaks god
(5) It’s ok

41 comments:

  1. Don't own Ray Bans and no 501 , can I still be Algerian? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Are you an a-peut-priste though?

    ReplyDelete
  3. you should ask him has he ever owned ray bans or 501's then the answer must be yes !

    ReplyDelete
  4. Have you guys ever exprienced l'a-peut-prisme" I am refering to? The kind that makes you go: Normaaaaal

    ReplyDelete
  5. bayra,,, ferga chgoul

    ReplyDelete
  6. I experience l'a-peut-prisme daily, I get on the wrong end of the train and have to walk when I change lines !

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol that's a good example Melek,,,,
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I butter my toast with a spoon !!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah I laughed hard at this one!
    I think the best a-peut-prisme example we've seen here is the above comment, and you know what they say: "Profanity is the attempt of a lazy and feeble mind to express itself forcefully”

    ReplyDelete
  10. or seen from another perspective we're not a-peu-pres-istes we're eccentrics !!

    ReplyDelete
  11. i can never be bothered to take a basket when i go to the supermarket and end up carrying too many things and more often than not, they end up on the floor and bursting open. to my credit, i just buy them anyway and don't replace them :p.
    does that make me an a-peu-priste?

    some things are universal and just exist in a different context, regardless of where you're from.

    i have noticed (amongst loads of people from different nationalities) some sort of, what should i call it, let's say 'approprieriste' mentality, where those people attribute certain traits (e.g. thinking they're so clever or being a smart-ass)to their origins.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I recommend Stewart Lee's comedy vehicle new series its on iplayer, was on yesterday but the a-peu-pres-iste prefers to miss it and watch it on smartfone on tube to cancel out all the noisy smelly fellow tubers !

    ReplyDelete
  13. adding to that..I personally cannot read maps..lazy when it comes to reading guides and manuals until i get stuck and i have no choice but going back to them..sometimes that means..trying them hakdak without reading instructions whether m doing it correct...and much moreeee

    @Malek, lol i laughed at the wrong end..etc..I use GPS on phone and hard copy map and sometimes i dont rich the destination :(...

    ps..yes I liked charity by stewart lee..loved the bit when the scientist called the grandad lol..

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  14. FYI: I have copyright on the expression "a-peut-prisme" I am going to suggest it to the French Academy to be added to the French dictionary

    ReplyDelete
  15. Don't list your weird habits, I want to know the lazy ones, the ones that make you an apeutpriste, like the buttering with a spoon, eating nutella with a knife, never picking up a basket at the supermarket or doing Sudoku with a permanent marker because you can't be bothered to find a pencil or sharpen the one you have in your hand!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I like your a-peut-prismes especially the sudoku one ! we need a detailed definition of an a-peut-prisme and how they differ from lazy habits.
    By the way shouldn't it be (à peu près)+ism ?
    or you're using an (à peu près)+ism to define the (à peu près)+ism ? :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. what about you tell us some of your own?

    what about this? doing sudoku in your head by staring hard enough at the paper and figuring it all out ;) . i don't do that, it would be awesome if i could tho.

    oh and you don't like your brother much hmm.

    ReplyDelete
  18. @ Malek: I don't care how it is spelt because I am an apeutpriste, so apeutpret-isme will do ;)

    @ TDW: I am good at maths but don't have a photographic memory ;)
    I love my brother, we're really close, he's just chubby!

    ReplyDelete
  19. @ Melk: this blog should have been riddled with spelling mistakes and that would have been my apeutprimse, my dad calls an apeutpristes when I never finish anything I start, like crosswords, or when I mix my darks and whites in a wash or when I drive with half filled tyres and on an almost empty tank, when I booked my Dar es Salaam hotel for March instead of April and was charged for it!

    ReplyDelete
  20. i think the real question is, where to draw the line between stupidity and apeeuprestistisime :P ?

    wrong impression re: your brother, sorry ;) .

    ReplyDelete
  21. Now I understand better, does using a new shower gel bottle instead of the almost empty one count :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. @ TDW: Yeah that was pretty stupid of me lol I laughed though, I mean how careless do you have to be to book and pay for a hotel in March when you're going in April!!
    I don't always give real impressions of me - it would be too revealing, though he is truly rubbish at football and chubby

    @Taoofasm: congratulations you are an apeupriste :) but you could do better

    ReplyDelete
  23. héhé we all have our moments ;) .

    it's good to mix it up a bit to thwart off potential stalkers.

    ReplyDelete
  24. TDW...dude go do some work :D...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Stalkers not yet, but abuse I am getting...you've seen some of the comments, and some really bad ones I am not even publishing as they're obscene.

    @: Haniya: I reckon TDW is a student! What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
  26. you can check my apeupres-ist attempts at recording stuff on smartfone on youtube search for malekolondon :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Maleko: the quality is really good, especially the sound when you recorded live music.

    you might like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAc_uHmlvlg and this

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFT6TFw7e_w

    ReplyDelete
  28. and something for the weekend : check the english geeza version of an apeutpriste: Mickey Flanagan my favourite london geeza stand up !

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think he is and he might doing PhD..stuck in front of computer all day :D...

    ReplyDelete
  30. ps..just ignore that silly anonymous.. he has been horrible i know but wash thabi some people really need some help :S...xx

    ReplyDelete
  31. Leaving that broken lock indefinitely unfixed ( Basbarto) and using a spoon handle in the event of it being closed accidentally (usually only by the wind after someone closes the door in the other side of the house).
    Ah … the spoon needs to be one of those medium sized ones, they are less shiny but heavier than the big shiny lined ones that will not work because their end tends to get gradually bigger, unlike the good ones.
    Varieties of this include: single sided basbarto, axe only, unstable basbarto . usually extreme care is required when handling the basbarto to avoid making the problem worse.

    Anonymous (and not happy with some who are dirtying my reputation recently)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I used to use a fork instead of a tv aerial.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Omg!! The fact that we don't have the simple word 'Please' in algerian!! I have thought about it a few times...it is indeed so strange!! The other ways like 'yer7em babak' really sounds like your begging!

    ReplyDelete
  34. "Can I borrow your car and 1000 dinars, oh and do stay at home."

    Stop, stop, I am going to die laughing. I do not know anyone like this. No really, Mwhaha.

    As for the lack of please? Baaahhhahahaa!

    Love it, this is gold.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Men fedlek is nice and posh

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nobody ever says men fedlek anymore! they just say "Merci" because they're soooo European ;)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ray-ban and Levis 501 ,

    Very old fashion

    You must be more than 40 to wear that !!

    I like your "Apeupré" description , verigoud !!

    You forgot one word ,

    "Normal" used to admit ...

    ReplyDelete
  38. @ Bruno: I have a pair of Aviator Ray-Bans and it's right on trend dude, don't know who's giving you fashion advice! ;)

    Levis 501 - NO comment

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am an Algerian-American and basically am sitting here on this lovely thursday morning having my qahwa and reading your blog and literally laughing and clapping like a circus monkey in front on my lap top. Bookmarked your blog and very glad to come across an anglophone expat experience. My god, I relate to everything esp your post about "Algerian Dad"

    ReplyDelete
  40. That's cool thanks Mimi
    I only clap my hands when I am excited or Chaou is singing but I think I qualify for the circus too!
    You have a lot of reading to catch-up on ;)

    ReplyDelete

Most popular ramblings!