F*cking Country

Which one? Algeria or England? euuu Algeria do you even need ask!

Why? hmmm why? Let's see...because since 1962 we've had about 10 years of good life and abundant food, jobs and total security, because until now with all the economical reforms that Bouteflika has undertaken we are still suffering HUGE inflation, unrealistic property prices and unemployment has reached a staggering 30% (slight exaggeration on my part perhaps) and insufficient infrastructure and never ending state of emergency that is causing havoc in the capital including constant traffic and air pollution.

And then you have the Algerianism which is a way of being and living and talking only Algerians are capable of...

- People's constant stares, why are people looking at me? do I look different? probably not and even if you didn't they would still rape you with their stares and excessive curiosity, at this point I want to teare at my hair and scream STOP FUCKING STARING YOU WEIRDOE but instead I take out my phone and start typing an angry whinge to my English mate who is married to an Algerian and compare notes with her...she gets it!

- You are invited to a wedding! who? someone’s lost uncle's daughter is marrying a pilot! oooohh a pilot weshbik! Or perhaps he’s her cousin and nobody wants to admit it.

You get dragged to the wedding party, music blaring from a DJ who doesnt know where to look there's so many half naked girls around, you try to talk to the guests at your table and you end up just nodding and smiling or shouting to make yourself heard "I cant hear you and no I DO NOT want to bloody dance" my mother giving me evils that are supposed to order me to smile and that spell "behave you're embarrassing me", the bride dressed in multicoloured traditional extravaganzas, her hair fashioned in a way only the angels or a pair of scissors could entangle, giltter all over her skin, big black smoky eye make-up a la Libanaise apparently, right so you weren't going for the Goth look? Well you look lovely..Mabrook(1).

Bride and everybody else: Lakouba lik inchallah(2)
Me: Merci
Everybody: well say Inchallah
Me: I said it in my heart...now fuck off.

Multicoloured cakes are served, they are all made from the same pastry and filling, almonds scented with rosewater, covered with different coloured sugar coating, served with mint tea that is so sweet it could induce instant coma or some luke warm كَوْكا كَوْلا or Coka.
Whilst we eat, the bride struts around the hall showing off her "beautiful" gowns, people stare with half smiles and some break into deafening ululations, a feel of hypocrisy fills the space, I feel so awkward when she comes near my table so I start to smile beamingly in an attempt at expressing "wallah am not jealous" hoping not to be categorized with the other group of young girls dying to be married and are apparently giving her the evil eye. I like the Carakou and le Caftan I thought, leaving the party.

- Sitting in a Salon de Thè in Algiers as they do...Iiiih we have Oil and it doesn’t show, Morroco is better, Tunisa is amazing and we have a LOT of money but a lot more vultures, thiefs...Heard it all before!
Where are you spending the NYE? Me: Sahara, bourgeois mate: Paris and another is talking about Honolulu....me: I see....

Other table: have you seen that girl? They're talking about me I think...she is from elhih (abroad) clearly I don’t belong because my hair isn’t straightened to rival that of the Chinese, I am not wearing 3 layers of makeup or even 1 and I go out in flipflops, but the girl with them says: what? You call that style? She can at least make an effort with footware and maybe loose some weight.....me: hmmmmm

- At the airport, all the people on the queue for British Airways are eying each other, trying to guess each others story, that one is going on holiday, another is going for business, another is trying too hard which means local Algerian trying to look "HIP" to be able to pass immigration which means he's never going back, others are hiding their passports, mine is red, his is green! Ahh mercy!

Whilst still at the airport, we are all still Algerian staring but discreetly, doing "El Watan" crosswords, once we get on the plane we all become British, all pick up "The times" or for some its "The Sun", polite to one another and only address each other in English and smiling to your neighbour is a NO NO. Once in Heathrow, no eye contact, all on their mobiles and promptly ignoring each other.

The pilot announced the weather, unboundedly lousy, cold and rainy upon which time I hear myself say: Fucking country...which one Algeria or England! This time its England; back home, it's sunny, couscous is abundant and all our cakes are almond filled (tough luck to the allergic), The Sea is blue albeit polluted, you can eat grilled sardines and go sleeveless...at your own peril.

We're doomed I tell ya!

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(1) - Congratulations

(2) - Your turn next...

One Two Three...Viva l'Algerie

Women don’t usually hold strong views about football, unless its a big tournament, All Algerian women follow football when Algeria is involved in some championship or tournament so I guess that's a rare occasion because lets face it folks, we never qualify for anything!

We qualified for the world cup last year and we thought hurrah Algerian football is going to put Algeria back on the map, well that didn’t last beyond 3 games and it put Algeria back on the map but for the wrong reasons, yes yes I hear you and all those Football critics or analysts or what ever the term to describe them is say we played good ball, we have a young team that needs more games together to be ready to face world class teams such as England etc...But the world attention shifted from our football "skills" to the Algerian masses getting on planes and conquering Africa to support their team, our patriotism and nationalism took over all our senses as our hooligans spread across Africa to Egypt, Sudan and then South Africa to follow their players for support but most of all to prove the Egyptians wrong. Egypt our football nemesis although the football related hate has taken over other areas and covered our hate for Egyptian movies, Egyptian food, Egyptology and Sharm El Cheikh, even now amid the violent riots and revolution taking place in Egypt we Algerians support their cause but you wont find one Algerian putting the Egyptian flag on their Facebook profile picture as they did for Tunisia.

Coming back to my initial thought on women and Football, during the very high tension games of the first round of qualifying games of the WC, I realised why women don't watch football, I did some research in fact and found that women just do not have the stamina to watch a football match not because the players are not wearing pink and we don’t get a snog every time a gooal is scored (wish) but because its too much tension, myself, I had a heart rate of someone climbing Kilimanjaro and I was fidgeting until the 1st half was over and knew instantly I couldn’t last through the 2nd half of the game, it simply isn't bearable whereas men keep quite and watch in such adoration and patience...I am sure their anguish is more than they let out!

Add: I forgot to mention what the slogan is about for our non Algerian readers, One, Two, three viva l'algerie or as postcards in Algeria depict it One TOW three Viva l'algerie. is a football chant started by a hooligan in Algeria years ago and it was a street and stadium kind of cheer until it became mainstream and official during the 2010 world cup. I love it :)

Diversity & Tolerence in Algeria

Growing up in Algeria for the most part, we have not observed a high rate of tolerance and diversity, Diversity as a subject is not taught in schools nor is it a major media-visited subject, in spite of the many incidents where people rose against the power to assert Cultural Diversity and gain acceptance for their cultural identity. Even though Algeria is culturally diverse in its people, dialects, colours, geographic and demographics, this diversity remains very much contained and to a certain extent acknowledged but not celebrated.

Due to Algeria’s strategic position within the Mediterranean basin and the strong movement of invaders, travellers and slavery throughout history, our nation is a melting pot of Mediterranean races, colours and features from Turks, Romans, and Arabs to Berbers, our Berbers are so diverse they can be Kabyle from the North east to Chawis in the high plateaux or Mozabite in the south east and last but NEVER the least the Touareg in the extreme south. Algeria boasts such diversity in its people that you could feel in a different country every time you reached a town or a city, you'll find a different dialect, different culinary traditions, social dynamics and race, feeling this if you are a foreign or a tourist is perfectly acceptable, but to experience this feeling being an Algerian…well is an issue I beleive.

Cultural Diversity is celebrated in Algeria only through music and even that is a relatively new trend, with Rai music going international it is much more recognised and notable as part of the Algerian heritage, Gnawa(1) music on the other hand is the new marvel in the Algerian music scene, it is widely heard, loved and celebrated by the people and the government alike where dedicated festivals are held every year to celebrate and promote the Gnawa culture.But racial diversity doesn’t seem to have advanced much in Algeria.

A simple case of mixed marriages could be a barometer for the situation and we see a very negligible number of mixed marriages in Algeria. Between black and white is a rarity and between Berbers and Arabs is certain to cause family problems albeit to a less degree nowadays in big cities but in the Berber regions (Tizi Ouzou and Bejaia mostly) non Berber marriages are usually unacceptable.Berbers in general and Kabyles in particular have a clear no-mixing policy aimed at preserving their language and race. Chawis it seems are more tolerant but Mozabite are absolutely non cooperative with non-Mozabite people in terms of social mixing, Mozabite celebrated their uniqueness for centuries through their unique architecture, language, costumes, they even practise faith separately from the rest of the Muslims, their sect or Madhab is Ibadite.Algerians can be very discriminatory amongst themselves, they compare regions and colours, accents and dialects, this comparison is usually prejudiced and used to ridicule and make fun rather than to acknowledge and understand.

As an example, generally in Algiers everyone who is not from Algiers the Capital is an outsider and therefore not accepted, mocked or even ridiculed, this phenomenon is duplicated throughout Algeria and other cities where people from the big cities subjugate people from small towns and villages as outsiders. This phenomenon has been going on for as long as I can remember and I have seen this continued here in the UK between Algerians albeit to a lesser extent. Another prominent example of this intolerance is the blatant and very obvious treatment of the Arabs by the Berbers when on their own turf, should you visit say Bejaia for your summer holiday unless you have very fair skin and could easily pass for a kabyle or spoke Berber you will be sure to be treated badly or refused service in restaurants obviously some places are more welcoming than others and aspire to do business rather than politics. But the feel of being an outsider overwhelms you in these regions and makes you feel very unwelcome.

This segregation between the Arabs and the Berbers is very obvious, Berbers rebel against the government for lack of recognition of the Tamazight (2) language (the Tamazight Language was recognised as an official language in 2003 and is taught in some schools but it doesn’t have equal status as an official language alongside Arabic) and the struggles of the Berber people by rejecting the Arabs, their language, politics and religion. More and more Berbers are converting to Christianity through catholic missionaries who live in the mountains in the Berber region, most of the Berbers do not speak Arabic or with a very heavy accent like a foreigner who is just getting used to the vowels, and so to avoid ridicule or perhaps because it is easier they would communicate in French.

Algerians are a nation that is torn and segregated by their languages, traditions and colours, what should make our nations power and unity is in fact dividing us. Whose fault it is that Algerians lack tolerance? Is it the educational system? How can such deeply nationalistic nation who would unite and swear solemn allegiance to ALGERIA for football cannot unite to help our economy and social standing prosper?
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(1) - Gnawa = descendents of black African slaves from the Sahara
(2) - Tamazight: the indigenous languages of North Africa, it belongs to the Afro-Asiatic family and is related to ancient Egyptian and Ethiopian.

Related article of intrest: http://s3.archive-host.com/membres/up/1890583760/The_place_of_cultural_diversity_in_the_Algerian_cultural_policy_Ammar_Kessab.pdf

Back in London...

After what seems to be an eternity spent in the seaside city of doom, I am finally back in London where I feel I belong. I have landed my old job back in the City and moved into a new area of London I hadn’t experienced before and all feels well, almost as though I never left.

The past year has been without a doubt the most testing of my whole life, in fact it was my own military service, I dived into a completely different place, different industry and I gave it my all, but the social isolation and working environment got the better of me. I did not in any way give up, I fought very hard not to throw in the towels but I reached a point where if I had stayed I would be loosing my mind, dignity, integrity and all that I stand for.

I am very proud of my achievement, resilience and willpower, I always believed that I was a strong person, but I think that this time I even surprised myself with how much I could take on, the challenge being what it was overwhelmed me, I was consumed by the challenge itself and delayed my departure until I thought I made a difference, not realising the stress and mental abuse was taking its tole on my mental health and consequently physical health. Upon leaving I felt like a prisoner who had been released, lost my confidence, put on a lot of weight due to stress related eating disorder (well I say disorder - I just scoffed on a lot of ice-cream for comfort), I became Über sensitive to all comments, critics or sometimes even compliments made me weep.

I am a naturally forgiving person, but you cannot forgive until you heal, so I am nurturing my wounds, started by getting my fitness back, feel good about my physical appearance, seek professional help if needed and lets face it IS needed, anyone reading my blogs can tell I am a bit neurotic.

So I am back in London, my take on life has changed, my priorities have shifted and my goals have been altered, maybe this is growing up...or maybe this is just part of life, either way my mind is clear and I know where I am heading…Until the next time they change.

Serial Dating...

My friend thought it would be a good idea to put me on myseinglefriend.com
I thought it is the future after all, everybody does it, and internet dating is the current norm so I decided to keep an open mind and subsequently went on 4 dates.

Being a novice to this I was somewhat traditional in the way I tried to get to know or more appropriately question the gentlemen. They were more business like about it, they had what I can only describe as a prepared memorised monologue used to describe themselves, specific discerning questions aimed at evaluating me and my motives. Venues were also a lot less traditional than the usual restaurant dinner or a movie. My dates ranged from drinks in cocktail bars to coffee and walks on the beach (my favourite so far) to an evening of fun on the pier arcade, the latter has to be the worst experience, I was exasperated by this guys lack of manners, after a hard day of Ramadan fasting (note I was the one fasting not him, I dont think he's ever heard of Ramadan) I fixed the date to a more suitable time for me to enjoy a coffee or some food, we spent the whole date playing games and rides which was a lot of fun, but the lack of food was starting to drain my energy and I suggested we grab some “pier” food which I didn’t have the chance to finish before he devoured it for me and when he finished with playing what felt like all the games TWICE like an out of control child and eating my food he decided to call it a night…In his words “I think I’ll be off now”, I resisted the urge to respond: I was OFF since I got here you chin-less little man but I composed myself, smiled and said “I had a nice time, Thank you” and left shaking my head and talking to myself all the way home- Never again.

Other less bad dates but equally exasperating, were in fact so bad I had to settle the restaurant bill just to give him a hint as to my take on the evening and to suggest without offence the “FAIL”. Hint for the gentlemen out there, if a women doesn’t wait for you to settle and pays the bill herself, it is usually one of two scenarios: she likes you and is desperate to buy you with her money or she doesn’t like you and her paying the bill will give her the permission to leave and say thank you, I had a lovely time without feeling guilty or be guilted into further contact.

After my fourth bad date I had the epiphany and realised all these men have become SERIAL daters, they go on so many dates that they loose sight of what they were looking for in the first place. They get entangled in the arrays of available women, theses men actually travel nationwide to date girls they think are desperate for a boyfriend they would do anything to keep him i.e. pay for dinner and invite him back to theirs,. Serial dating can also be a very expensive game, if any given man schedules about three dates in one weekend that could be an expensive weekend of lunches and dinners and coffees and by the time he’s done with the heavy schedule unless he’s keeping scores, he is going to confuse the candidates and forget who is who and who said what.

Some are lucky enough to find their soulmate, settle down and give happiness a go and some aren’t so lucky and will continue playing this game of endless chasing and stunted adolescence leaving themselves penniless and lost and women hurt and frustrated.

And what about romance? These dates are so generic and planned they are a cocktail short of a job interview. There is no looking into your eyes but looking at your other more “en relief” assets, there are no candles but more mobile phone lights…it is the end of romance.