Sunday, 25 July 2010

Serial Dating...

My friend thought it would be a good idea to put me on
I thought it is the future after all, everybody does it, and internet dating is the current norm so I decided to keep an open mind and subsequently went on 4 dates.

Being a novice to this I was somewhat traditional in the way I tried to get to know or more appropriately question the gentlemen. They were more business like about it, they had what I can only describe as a prepared memorised monologue used to describe themselves, specific discerning questions aimed at evaluating me and my motives. Venues were also a lot less traditional than the usual restaurant dinner or a movie. My dates ranged from drinks in cocktail bars to coffee and walks on the beach (my favourite so far) to an evening of fun on the pier arcade, the latter has to be the worst experience, I was exasperated by this guys lack of manners, after a hard day of Ramadan fasting (note I was the one fasting not him, I dont think he's ever heard of Ramadan) I fixed the date to a more suitable time for me to enjoy a coffee or some food, we spent the whole date playing games and rides which was a lot of fun, but the lack of food was starting to drain my energy and I suggested we grab some “pier” food which I didn’t have the chance to finish before he devoured it for me and when he finished with playing what felt like all the games TWICE like an out of control child and eating my food he decided to call it a night…In his words “I think I’ll be off now”, I resisted the urge to respond: I was OFF since I got here you chin-less little man but I composed myself, smiled and said “I had a nice time, Thank you” and left shaking my head and talking to myself all the way home- Never again.

Other less bad dates but equally exasperating, were in fact so bad I had to settle the restaurant bill just to give him a hint as to my take on the evening and to suggest without offence the “FAIL”. Hint for the gentlemen out there, if a women doesn’t wait for you to settle and pays the bill herself, it is usually one of two scenarios: she likes you and is desperate to buy you with her money or she doesn’t like you and her paying the bill will give her the permission to leave and say thank you, I had a lovely time without feeling guilty or be guilted into further contact.

After my fourth bad date I had the epiphany and realised all these men have become SERIAL daters, they go on so many dates that they loose sight of what they were looking for in the first place. They get entangled in the arrays of available women, theses men actually travel nationwide to date girls they think are desperate for a boyfriend they would do anything to keep him i.e. pay for dinner and invite him back to theirs,. Serial dating can also be a very expensive game, if any given man schedules about three dates in one weekend that could be an expensive weekend of lunches and dinners and coffees and by the time he’s done with the heavy schedule unless he’s keeping scores, he is going to confuse the candidates and forget who is who and who said what.

Some are lucky enough to find their soulmate, settle down and give happiness a go and some aren’t so lucky and will continue playing this game of endless chasing and stunted adolescence leaving themselves penniless and lost and women hurt and frustrated.

And what about romance? These dates are so generic and planned they are a cocktail short of a job interview. There is no looking into your eyes but looking at your other more “en relief” assets, there are no candles but more mobile phone lights…it is the end of romance.


  1. Dear DZ-Chick ,

    welcome back to the blog that I enjoy reading because it makes me smile especially when I'm bored at work, your dilemma "serial dating" made me laugh out loud, I think you are really brave to go on internet dating, for fun it is good but for real life/relationship I wouldnt recommend it to you unless you are over 50, so men (some male colleagues) went on blind internet dating and it was for them more a fun experience than looking for real dates, I know even a married colleague who went on internet dating just to check whether he can pull a "hot bird", if you are looking for fun, yes it would nice to try it but if you are looking for more serious/normal relationship try other platforms which are more solid/realistic, i.e go out more, meet friends who have decent single male friends, try to go to salsa/belly dancing classes, go on trip around Europe, I truly wish to read one day on your blog that you've met your prince and you are living happily after.
    Bon courage et keep posting your stories

  2. Cheers Naima. I have now obviously refrained from dating or any dating related activities. It proved to be more hard work than pleasure. Am not desperate despite what UrbanGorilla tries to make out!! mesmoum va :)

  3. good luck girl..

  4. I definitely hear you on the overall 'modern' dating scene - especially online dating. I tried it a few years ago and was confronted with much the same attitudes from my female dates: set monologue by people here for entertainment, not actual dating. And don't get me started on online profiles ;-)

    After a few such bad experiences I've also parked the dating idea, I'd much rather have a nice meal in (or out) with my friends!

    Us singles can always have a good time, a date or partner isn't at all necessary ;-)

    Hope you have a fantastic weekend - now off to enjoy some of the rare London sunshine!

  5. Steph I am in that place now where I can safely say, I am happy being single, reading back through my posts I think the last time I felt that way was at 32 (but that’s a different kettle of poisson). That’s what friends are for, dinner, gigs, weekends away, holidays, fun, the lot…maybe the urge will come upon me again but for now I am steering clear of boys.
    Bank holiday was a total success, don’t you just love London!

  6. Hilarious experiences DZ-Chick, firstly a woman should NEVER, under any circumstances, pay the bill and any man that allows her to do so is definitely a jerk.

    When on a date, I do not enter an unspoken agreement that if he pays, I shall owe him something or feel guilty for discontinuing the dating. He pays for the pleasure of my company, period! LOL

    Those serial daters are notably serial players, I strongly believe that a very small percentage is actually on the look out for a serious relationship.
    Nonetheless on the subject of new age dating, speed dating seems fun and I would consider doing it as all it takes is a few minutes to determine if the person has potential without having to conceal the boredom one can feel on a dreadful date.

    @DZ-Chick, would you consider speed dating?


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