Monday, 10 July 2017

Out and out

I managed about three days before the red rivers of Lucifer opened up and I had a good excuse as any to take an early breather. Once the 5 customary days (stretched to 6 on the count of one red spot on my knickers) were over I started psyching myself up for the arduous observance of Ramadan but there was no will power to be found, I looked again and rummaged in the abyss of my soul (very deep my soul) to find some willpower but all I found was a tumble weed (insert picture here)! Moving in the desert winds of my soul (insert dramatic music here)! 
Trying to understand the why is the real conundrum, I thought of a few answers; 

  • I have been debating my faith for a few years now and I struggled with it as any of my readers would know, I guess you could say it was only a matter of time before the chasm widened and the jig was up. 
  • The prevailing atmosphere doesn't help. Islam has such a bad rep nowadays that I thought myself a weakling who got put off by a bunch of faithless terrorists disseminating dogma and terror and calling it the will of God. I am made of sterner stuff that this. So theory dismissed. 
  • Being alone during such times as Ramadan can be daunting and discouraging when it's a time to be reunited with loved ones, family and friends. Mayhaps... 
  • Safety in numbers: a good theory as any to use when linking your argument to the power of the many, the many who have lapsed, gave in or never had it (faith that is).
The fact of the matter is I don't know if my faith will ever be restored, if I will horribly regret this one day or if it's gone forever and I shall become the Infidel (roll eyes 👀 ) ...what I know is that I am an adult of mostly sound mind who consciously and publicly decided not to observe one of the 5 pillars of Islam and argues simply this feels ok and also it's none of anyone's business.

Today (well when I wrote this) , Eid is upon us and as ever, I am celebrating it with family and my loved ones and I love it. The way I see it? It's not religious it's cultural (preachers, go nuts now)  :D 

A belated Happy and blessed Eid to all 


  1. Une reflexion hors du commun ; tres interessant.

    1. Merci Tarik. it's about exercising la "liberte de culte", ma liberte.

  2. Well observed! Religion is a personal matter.

    1. Indeed. Keep your religion to yourself, no amount of beard or head-covering scarf, preaching or whatever is going to save your soul when it's rotten. :P

  3. Muslims are the first victims of Islam; to liberate an innocent Muslim from his religion is the best service that one can render him.
    Our ancestors were brainwashed and forced by terror into accepting a religion that was alien to their own religious tradition and culture, and the worst of all is bending toward Arabia five times a day must be terrifying for the population.
    Free yourself from this backward religion dz bella, and create your own! which will suit you better in this modern world, and remember god speaks all the languages so no need for foreign ambiguous one.
    PS. I pray in derdja ;)
    Good luck

    1. lol @ I pray in Darja - love it

    2. I'm loving it too :) you should try it ;)
      Happy Friday!

  4. I remember that strange, uncomfortable and exhilarating feeling, I was 25 maybe, when you admit it, to yourself first : the God I have in my head is so much better than the God religion has to offer !! Where can we e-mail you goddamit !! Saha aidek by the way (yes it's mainly cultural !!)

  5. Interesting, no one knows, I think there is the Engineer, the one who set the system and let it run.
    Religions are attempts to explain it all.

    What I found interesting is the role of Islam in spreading Arabic culture, just like colonisation. Most things we associate with Islam are Arabic customs and traditions, in the end, just like the old times, its about commerce, people have to go to Mecca. Mohammed was the greatest leader and has spread his culture and power and kicked started a civilisation based on mostly novel concepts such as equality and you have to admire that. Look at India with the caste system...

    But this is history. We must look at the future.
    There will come a time when it will be renovated, just like the church of England split from catholicism. In its current form it is not giving people the answer.

    1. ATO The original anonymous! how the devil goes it?
      Yes Islam is known for it's sense of humour and willingness to reinvest itself ha!

  6. Brave confession. You may have had a smooth ride in life as misfortunes such as ill-health and the loss of a loved one tend to bring us closer to god and strengthen our faith.
    I wish that you will regain your faith without having to go through much.
    Keep posting

  7. Hi FreeChick ... Hope your Soul's quietened since. I can see you have been quiet obssessed by the practice of Ramadhan ... I can understand being myself algerian. Though I could get rid of those burdens, deciding only by myself what pseudo-religious and traditional habits I keep into the heavy bag society has loaded us with.
    And since then, I feel much lighter. Doing thé thing I want to do. That's what I call "freedom of the soul" nobody is concerned but ME ... Hope your burden has lightened as well. Keep posting, "free thinking" that's what WE need my friend. LOL

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  9. yep, these were my thoughts two years ago till i decided it was time to let go for good and i have never been happier with my decision to be honest....indeed to me now what gets me through these celebrations is considering them rather cultural than religious, although it sitll does bother me sometime even the slightest thought of having to respond to "saha eidak" but well , life goes on


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