Friday 30 October 2015

Double Trouble!

What being single looks like to me

As a kid, like all the girls my age, I used to excitedly calculate how old I would be in the year 2000, that big year that represented the future, I used to daydream about what I would become, of course I was already aware of my potential and the fact that by the year 2000 I would probably be happily married with someone amazing, it  was simply a matter of time and that was only part of the dream. After all that’s what grownups seem to do, they get great jobs and get married.


Today in a grey day of the year 2015, I realise that not all grownups have to follow the norm, so like many out there, I too remain single, the years came and gone, love came and left my life and somehow I remain steadfastly certain that I would one day be reunited with that promised special person who gets me and doesn’t annoy me and if I wasn’t going to meet this rare person who doesn’t annoy me well then I will be OK and life will still have meaning and challenges! Of that; I am certain and have understood it very early on.


But it seems society hasn’t made its peace with it and doesn’t recognise my choice as valid or acceptable, to them I am a desperate damsel, a relationship reject or a potential home wrecker. I am often looked at with puzzlement, some friends pity my continuous single status otherwise referred to as “predicament” and constantly try setting me up with single men (that’s it, that’s the criteria), others secretly envy it (being single) whilst others have simply stopped inviting me to their parties because it proved difficult trying to box that single girl who turns up to kids parties with no kids and a bottle of booze! Especially when that said girl answers questions like “Where’s your little one?” with “I thought BYOB stood for bring your own booze not bring your own baby” .


But for the most part people seem to be outraged that I remain single yet don’t seem to suffer the consequences of it, I want to tell them to wait a few more years but there’s no fun in that!!


They want to see you suffer the dire consequences of your terrible ill-advised choice and suffer the harsh reality of being over 30 and single, after all that’s the only way they could justify their mistakes choices.


So instead of letting the married friends include me into their circles as a third or fifth wheel, I created my own circle, and believe me, the pass mark to get in is very high! Just recently I had to make it a bit higher based on the comments of some angry bitter unhappily married “friend” who asked if I ever did get marriage proposals, to which I said yes sure, last year I had 3 (poor sods).


“Three!!!” he said, “Isn’t that a too much??”


“Too much for whom exactly??” I said…


So he said “anyway, they’re just messing with you, you ARE over thirty remember!!”


POW! Double shamed, single-age-shamed with one sentence.


And this is the crux of the problem, people don’t seem to want to accept, or simply fathom, even in the 21st century, that a single woman might be quite happy not conforming to societal norms; that she might simply not want to be in a relationship or have a husband.


Singletons are not anomalies or glitches in the matrix of your sedated married minds; they are people with choices who simply took those choices. The End.


Dz-chick…happily single.

20 comments:

  1. What's worse than being >30 and not married, is being >30 and stuck with the wrong person x

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  2. Homo Erectus (sloppy single)30 October 2015 at 22:32

    The problem is that the majority of people feel bad, depressed, miserable when being in a long status of singlehood.. Few people feel peaceful alone for a long time.. People generally tend to copy and paste their state of mind on other people most of the time and for different subjects.. Yes people are idiots, fanatics, and excessively judgemental when they think something about someone they think they know.. They MUST KNOW.. because well they LIVED the situation and have high appreciation of their boring and common opinions.. Heureux que benti enfin ya dz-chickchouka !!

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  3. Welcome to the club!
    I came to realize that Westerners are as much narrow minded as our "compatriots" on that topic.
    And you're bang on: most of them are not in a happy relationship and envy singletons.
    I pity them!

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  4. Anonymous Yep and that's what makes them every more envious, critical and judgmental

    Homo ErectusWell I think most people don't think for themselves anymore, the media in its different forms thinks for them and they simply replicate the bullet point as their mentras and their status updates and their revelations! We truly live a matrix it's sad not many people see through it.

    As for the married people, to me they seem to think since they got married (regardless of the choice of their mate or how happy they are) they automatically got upgraded in the social echelons of titles and are now in a better position to give you advice on all matters relate to life. they are the Gurus and you are a mere lost lamb.
    Happy to be back too my single friend :)

    happy Singleton I invented the club :P
    Oh absolutely this is apparently a global trend not just liited to Algerian that's why i never once mentioned a country or a religion etc...They pity us too but we all know deep down it's simply a deep seated envy for the single free life.

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  5. Hahaha..Never knew BYOB stand for "bring your own baby" thanks for the info..I'll make sure I'll borrow my neighbor kids next time I'm invited to these party ;)
    Have a nice weekend
    Benvenuto nel club dei singoli! :)
    Ciao bella
    M

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  6. "Well I think most people don't think for themselves anymore, the media in its different forms thinks for them and they simply replicate the bullet point as their mantras and their status updates and their revelations! We truly live a matrix it's sad not many people see through it.

    As for the married people, to me they seem to think since they got married (regardless of the choice of their mate or how happy they are) they automatically got upgraded in the social echelons of titles and are now in a better position to give you advice on all matters relate to life. they are the Gurus and you are a mere lost lamb."

    - Precisely!

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  7. I am pretty sure it's "Bring your own Booze" it's just people with kids thinking it's all about them again so it was misappropriated I am quite certain.
    Ciao m and hope you're well.

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  8. Haha..Got ya this time dz bella haha..,,,Yes I know only kidding with ya ;) Apart from the annoying married couples with kids, all is well thanks. The other day a friend of mine mentioned that his daughter of less than two years old can read books!? :/ I think we became nuts ones we have children.. lol
    Have a nice weekend
    Ciao bella
    M


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sorry, I meant" We will became nuts ones we have children"...lol

      Delete
  9. Don't be harsh on all married people dz chick. We have our own struggles. Do you think that society will let you off the hook if you don't reproduce once married? We have to have boys, and give birth naturally, our kids have to be perfect, well-behaved... and the list of expectations is endless.
    We are all tired of society, which sadly is made up of people like you and me.



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  10. Hi Dz Chick,

    You mentioned it twice and I do understand exactly what you mean by it. That's a tough one!
    Finding a, "Person who gets me and doesn’t annoy me" is not an easy quest; especially the, "doesn't annoy me" one. They all are annoying at different levels. You pick and choose which level of annoyance you can bear.

    I just wanted to tell you that you should 'do YOU'! No one knows what's best for you but you, trust me!
    Do me a favor, forget about societal expectations and be happy with the choices you make. The others have their own struggles. And those who stopped inviting you are just plain stupid individuals who have a problem with their own self, and lack tremendous self-confidence. You really don't need that kind of people in your life. Life is too short to spend it with idiots!!

    And what where you doing in the same place as that, 'I left my brain home and walked out', who asked you that question about marriage proposals and if you ever got one..??!! Please allow me to translate what he said. This is what he was implying:

    "I find you attractive but I know I have no damn chance with you cuz you know I'm married and you wouldn't even look at me. But I really want you but I have to make you feel depressed and weak with my brainless thinking so you would fall for me and in my bed cuz I haven't been laid for ages..please please fall for my stupid trick!!!"

    But again DZ Chick, who cares about what he or others are saying or thinking, really?!!!

    At the end of the day everyone goes back to their happy or unhappy life and choices, and no one should be allowed to interfere with yours!

    Blue.

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  11. Loundja ya bent el ghoul I am not being harsh on married people, I am really talking about society in general.
    I am sure the ordeal is not over at “I do”
    Blue ha! You picked up on it then :)
    Indeed, that comment was hilarious and infuriating at the same time! I didn’t feel hurt by it because I know it was driven by hate/jealousy/spite/bitterness or something along those lines and probably had nothing to do with me but rather with his own issues. I do approve of my choices, despite having made some really silly decisions over the years and some really bad mistakes but I learnt from that, now if only society would stop trying to get us to conform.

    I will not straighten my hair, I will never be a size 0 (not on purpose anyway) and I will not get married unless I want to.

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  12. As my mother says, "Never regret the choices you made in the past..it is a waste of time!"

    Btw,"I was expecting a shoutout, "Blue, you're back...YAY!!!" or something that would've made me feel special or something. Walou Dz Chick..? ;)

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  13. Use a pseudo!!!!! I don't know who you are sorry lol

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  14. Oh c'mon DZC, my pseudo is right there in the content of my previous comment.

    Blue blue blue blue

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  15. I know that was you Blue!! I responded but the second I didn't get lol

    Yes - Welcome back Blue!!! it's been foreva!!

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  16. Hello DZ-chick, how come you seem super aware and annoyed by the fact that you're single and still consider this your choice? (even though I think marriage is stupid concept to begin with).
    Did you consider trying your luck back here in the Bled?
    Good luck I hope next time I check on you I will find you hitched:)
    -PS: You don't have to necessarily marry, be open to a casual relationship giiiirl.

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  17. Hello DZ-chick, how come you seem super aware and annoyed by the fact that you're single and still consider this your choice? (even though I think marriage is stupid concept to begin with).
    Did you consider trying your luck back here in the Bled?
    Good luck I hope next time I check on you I will find you hitched:)
    -PS: You don't have to necessarily marry, be open to a casual relationship giiiirl.

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  18. Jonney I am not annoyed at being single, I am annoyed at people's reaction to my being single.

    No I did not consider my luck back in Algeria! I make my own luck and take it with me wherever I go ;)

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  19. Life really gets complicated when you start family with your loved one and once children come along everything starts annoying you about your other half.
    I never thought this would happen to me, especially after being together for many many years before having children that I used to think we know each other so well, nothing can surprise me.
    Ha, how wrong was I!
    Many things you realise after you had kids together, things you couldn't have seen before.
    So being in a relationship is not easy sometimes (so many compromising etc.), still I believe it's worth it.
    Good luck to find your other half. Even if you start hating him after 10 years ;)

    ReplyDelete

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