Thursday, 28 February 2013

Algerian Dad!

Sometimes when I am bored at work, I call home in Algeria to chit chat with the parents, for a recipe, a random question or for a laugh…

My dad is now retired, he never picks up the house phone, he wants to be called on his mobile to get some use out of it, he never picks that up either, he also never takes it out with him when he leaves the house. I had to explain to him that it was called a “mobile” for a reason but he ignored me. (Just now I called him to get more quotes out of him for this little post and nothing; nada)

When you do call him on his mobile, after he reaches up for it on top of the highest furniture in the room, he has to remove his glasses and squint to see who it is first, then by the 10th ring, he will dramatically struggle to slide it open, by then the phone call drops or the caller gives up.

My dad is a badass character, I heard from a reliable source that he has a foul mouth, though admittedly I never heard him say more than “saligou” in our presence, though everybody is missing a link according to him and we live in a mental country where the language spoken is screaming.

Since retirement, my dad got funnier, admittedly I find him funny because I live far from him, my sister finds him annoying at best of times, I guess there is nothing funny about living with your dad at the age of 30, it is neither easy nor ideal, perhaps it’s practical but let’s not encourage that.

Apparently the whole family including the neighbours and their dog is conspiring against him, they hide his hair brush (he HAS no hair), his glasses keep moving, he can never find them, he accuses mum of moving them on purpose and accusing him of suffering dementia. You can never laugh out loud at home, because the neighbours have nothing better to do than to listen to me laughing, he argued “but you laugh like a hyena”. Fair point.

When I visit, I am usually spared the wardrobe commentary, at least for the first few hours, then you can really tell he’s suffering and has to let it out,
“is this what they call la mode nowadays?”, “Those trousers do nothing for you ma fille”, “c’est pas tres elegant ma fille”, “you look like Gavroche”, once he referred to my Bermuda shorts as “kilouta”.
He doesn’t like my weird style, it’s not tidy or smart and he usually laughs in my face and this is me getting the guest treatment. Ahhhhh fond memories.

After about a couple of days, he forbids me from touching the crossword puzzles, because I can never finish them, apparently he only finds it adorable for the first couple of tries and I only prove him right, I am an apeutpriste, we are all Apeutpristes, the whole of Algeria is a nation of apeutpristes, including the people who make the Puzzles because he always finds “mistakes”! ya ya!

Everybody is out to get him and his money, the plumber doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s a cowboy, “I will do it myself” so he does and makes a mess of it, latest damage; he put a hole in the brand new bath tub and taped it with duck tape and painted over it with white so my mum doesn’t see it. She did and called him an apeutpristes. Ah sweet justice, he didn’t eat her diner that night.

I know you’re starting to see the similarities…

But that’s just my dad; I always thought he was different from other perhaps more typical Algerian dads, but I am pretty sure he isn’t. When you think about it what makes the Typical Algerian dad?
Is it the gandoura he owns and only wears some Fridays not all, the fact he calls everyone a hypocrite particularity if they were bearded, or is it the fact he never cooked a meal in his life (Omelettes and BBQs don’t count), or maybe the respect he always manages to impose and the fact he can be uber annoying and his excuse will always be “because I am your father”.

I always find I have a different relationship when I am away from him to when I am under his roof; I have a fondness, love and respect for him that is unimaginable but it doesn’t make him mind his own business, be less annoying or less imposing, but he’ll always be loving, funny and my dad.

American dad: eat your heart out, Algerian dad remains my favourite character of all times, he gets my jokes and knows how to boil water.

Now; I am against (over) quoting other people unless it’s my dad or someone of great wisdom, but this is a quote I find to be very true:
“That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all. ~ J. August Strindberg

Dz-Chick….daddy’s girl! Always…


  1. I love my dad, his advice to me whenever I ask him for anything: do whatever makes you happy. On the spot I say but I need you to decide for me, and then I realise he is right I have to take the decision that makes me happy, that is the only way I can make a decision and actually be happy about it.
    By the way the mobile phone stuff is the same :)
    Also My dad would like to know everything and like you said you try to explain that he likes to interfere with sth that is none of his business, but he points out that we are his children so anything that is our business is his business, he shouts: you are my business :D
    Oh and when I point out his bad habits, he says I am like you, and when he notices good habits of mine he says: you are like me :) I find that an interesting association of the source of the bad and the good from his point of view :)

  2. 1- ".... once he referred to my Bermuda shorts as “kilouta” "; (HILARIOUS)
    2- “ That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all. ~ J. August Strindberg (TRUE THAT!)

    PRICELESS OBSERVATIONS AND SHARING FROM DADDY's GIRL! ;) What a sense of observation! Very affectionate, too. ;)

    Fils-a-Maman (may be I should write my son-mum version here). ;)

  3. “That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all. ~ J. August Strindberg.

    Well August Strindberg, the swedish poet, is right on the provider for all but wrong on the enemy for all. I am a father of 7, 4 girls and 3 boys, he should have said the compassionate of all instead.


  4. Anonynous I love the "you ARE my business" ha ha

    HCHICHA MAL7a Thank you, can't wait to read something about the fils-a-Maman in you

    Badra Sid sorry to disappoint you, but the father will always take on the role of the enemy in the family, at some point and probably a lot of the time too, it's not easy to admit or perhaps realise, but Fathers always feel left out when the girls confide on their mothers and not him (my sad bribes us to confide in him", he'll feel left out when he has to take the difficult decisions nobody agrees with and there are a lot more examples I am sure.
    Of coure nobody is denying the compassion of a Father but this does not cancel out the other. But then again I am not a father :)

  5. :) i have seen girls being very close to their fathers than their mothers. Fathers are always by "feminists" portrayed as dictators, sexists, one way function etc ... but al father can be decrypted to be a very normal human being and compassionate and NOT " the enemy for all"

    Have a nice day

    DownUnder (Amine)

  6. :) i have seen girls being very close to their fathers than their mothers. Fathers are always portrayed by "feminists" as dictators, sexists, one way function etc ... but a father can be decrypted to be a very normal human being and compassionate and NOT " the enemy for all"

    Have a nice day

    DownUnder (Amine)

  7. Yes I am very close to my dad but he's seen as the enemy when all the females in the family don't agree with him! I guess it's a bit of a simplistic example!
    I knew you were Amine down under :)
    Have a good night

  8. algerian dads okay, compared to jewish polish russian azerbijani dads who try to poison their daughters friend and his family or pass him for a terrorist in front of authorities. this unfortunatelly is not a joke. god get rid of this skum of the earth.
    some dads stop their daughters from bringing up children with their partner and hence depriving a child of his father because of religious belieifs or nationality (algerian). god may deprive them of life inchallah.

    algerian dads got a bad buzz, but wellah their heart is of gold and would accept the skummest of humans eventually.
    big up algerians

  9. Love it when you write with your heart, Dz-Chick.
    Much much much better than when you write with your head. :D
    Keep it up guapa!

  10. Welldone you dz-bella again for this piece!
    Writing about your father show how much you respect and love algerian men, hope many more coming soon, and please don't let other girls critisize us.
    Have a good weekend

  11. Tu m'as fais pleurer ....

  12. Anonymous that sounds like a story from hell or Echourouq! Yours?

    Justafan Thank you :) I get that a lot
    Mwah to you too

    MAh so you're a boy!!! Ok I will try my best to defend you, when I am not myself criticising you :/
    But you guys gotta help yourselves though

    MTF je suis désolée :(

  13. Very amusing and moving testimony of your beloved papa Dz Chick, clearly the apple didn't fall far from the tree..... 'daddy's girl', very endearing indeed ;-)

    I took time commnenting on this blog as I wasn't fortunate enough to grow up with my father(although I used to visit him every other weekend).

    'Saligou' LMAO, that is very mild considering papa is Algerian. I have never heard my father cursed either but my mother certainly made up for it....she filled the f*cking gap!

    'though everybody is missing a link according to him and we live in a mental country where the language spoken is screaming' AHAHAHA how true is this?! We don't speak, we shout at best of times and scream most of the times. Algerians are known to be very bad-tempered so the volume mirrors the mood ;-). As a general rule, we don't obide by the law so disorder is inevitable.

    'Apeutpriste', I love the term and evidently sums up the way our country is run but apeutpriste is an international species that tends to dwell in the warmest places on earth.

    Have you sent a French version of this blog to your father?? I am sure that will bring tears to his eyes.

    I sent this blog to some of my sisters who grew up with my dad and they cried, I thought your article moved them to tears but I found out that they cried because I enquire about papa's ways. Apparently my papa always has his mobile phone close to him and picks it up a bit too fast according to one of my hermanas.
    My papa doesn't get involved in his children's affairs either & tends not to comment on clothes although oftentimes I can detect a look of disapproval in his eyes. My pops is very traditional, pious and highly respected in his community & I am very unconventional, avoid religion like the pest & enjoy a bit of controversy so in this instance the apple fell so far from the tree that the tree is in the garden Eden and the apple in Sin City ;-).
    I got older and wiser (questionable statement) so I do adjust when I visit the old man or the mama who seldom holds back in judging or mingling in her offspring's business.

    'You can never laugh out loud at home, because the neighbours have nothing better to do than to listen to me laughing, he argued “but you laugh like a hyena”.'
    Tis sentence got me laughing out loud, really loud. What is it with North Africans and their neighbours!!! That's something my mother used to say, so much so that laughing was an offence. Funny she didn't seem to mind the neighbours so much when she was dishing it out ;-)

    Not a daddy's or a mummy's girl, just a naughty one ;-)


      do you know what they say about french algerians, ... you take it up the bum.

      aya laugh like a hyena

  14. diary of a callgirl inspired blog where all the algerian bitches try to act like english chicks, ma kestouhach ya les africains, ch3arkom 7rech ou lakan ma tetkalmawch youll end up as (cheap fucks). yaw your fathers should be proud of you, za3ma dont judge me yakhi khab, c normal u dnt want to be judged. aya kiss and tell, if it only was a kiss maa3lich, yaw rahi affair blow jobs ou swallows. aya get real, there is only one reality, you gotta accept it even if it doesnt suit your PR. x hadi men 3andi. ou jibi chikourek ga33 lol yakhi imitation yakhi. fake lou bouiton va. lol

  15. As a regular reader of this blog, I feel offended by the above two comments and I refuse to comment on this lovely tribute that any dad would like to read, as long as these two pieces of hate are not deleted.

    Anonymity on the net is a choice that many (including me) have made. When it is used in the purpose of insulting others, especially women, it becomes a sad lack of rejla...

  16. Hey Chatnoir, I only just saw the comments! What do you suggest I do? Delete? I usually leave them as a show and tell of why I write what I write!
    It is sad that anonymous trolls like these insult and try to degrade women on the day of the woman!

  17. I understand! You have scientific reasons to let the comments there. I like and respect science in general and agree that from a sociocultural anthropolgy point of view the comments and their author may represent an interesting subject of study.
    If you don't delete them, write a post where you analyze the concentration of ideas boiling under some heads and sometimes revealed by these comments, beginning with the tragic lack of self respect it is proudly expressing.

  18. It is very sad to read last anonymous comments - very sad for him : dirty words coming from a dirty mouth. He must be immensely unhappy and frustrated by his own life for sure!

    1. it must be i agree with you

  19. Dzchick, you don't seem to be on a scientific mood so let me do the job. It is a cloudy sunday, nothing interesting to do outside.
    Science requires to manipulate sometimes dirty things and all sorts of stinking material. Let us be professional an work on the first part of this interesting speciemen.

    "diary of a callgirl inspired blog where all the algerian bitches try to act like english chicks"

    Let me translate : Algerian women trying to act like english chicks are bitches and callgirls. Difficult to follow the dark corridors in the head of this guy so to know if one car infer from what he says that he considers english chicks themselves as bitches and callgirls. A second question is : how about algerian guys that try to act like english boys?

    The word following the first sentence may explain things:

    "ma kestouhach"

    "You don't reach it!" We understand that he puts this behaviour from british chicks higher than algerian women or may be he puts the english chikcs themselves despite their supposed callgirl's behaviour in high esteem.

    The question that imposes itself is then, why a so high esteem of the callgirl's behaviour of english cheeks and a so (let' remain polite) musch criticism on the same behaviour from algerian women. The answer comes in the following words:

    "ya les africains, ch3arkom 7rech"

    According to this guy, the reason lies in two flaws of algerian women : First they are africans and second they have a frizzy hair which is in general a consequence of the first flaw. Since, the guy is from an ethnic point of view in the same category, one can measure his very low level of self respect... I wonder if this pathology doesn't deserve a new name : "self racism".

    I am always impressed by these manifestation of tribal instincts on the net. After all, the guy could have just turn his face away after reading or avoid to read what he does not like or just criticise politely the content regardless of the author. But this has nothing to do with criticism. It is an instinctive behviour. Any anthropoligist will tell you that the tribal behaviour makes the members of the tribe act with more cruelty and violence against the members of the tribe that does not comply with the the supposed common distintive signs than with the strangers. Tribal behaviour is still very deeply rooted in the arab and algerian minds.


    1. "We understand that he puts this behaviour from british chicks higher than algerian women or may be he puts the english chikcs themselves despite their supposed callgirl's behaviour in high esteem."

      This is spot on. It is not uncommon to come across Algerian men who regard Algerian girls living abroad as BAD girls and at the same time marry chavs covered in tattoos and proudly show them off.

      The anonymous person who spat the foul words above is very sad indeed, but I could not help laughing at the frizzy hair comment. I think that he is jealous and intimidated by intelligent women.

    2. entre nous tu est malade hihihih

    3. im impressed, u hit the nail on the head there!! the guy is just ignorant and quite frankly stupid, as an " ALGERIAN" man, i am sure he was taught to respect women! but as an algerian wanna be english! he picked up the english manners of the disrespectful twats that he mixes with! im sure he thinks he's Mr fantastic, wonder what his dad thinks of him????
      my cousin once said " 9awm halouf" and u know what he's the king of pigs!
      well done for the reply, very witty..

  20. Hi Dz-chicka,
    Usually you make me laugh but with this post you made me cry...
    Papa left this world a few years ago and no one can ever imagin how much I miss him.
    yes being "une fille à papa" has many drawbacks...
    long life to your papa
    Miss Sue

  21. bof ! beaucoup de bruit pour un troll stupide et insignifiant et.. et.. every woman wants to take it up the bum at a moment or the other in her life.. no big deal, really..

    1. c grave kameme, this world is gone mad.

  22. "I heard from a reliable source that he has a foul mouth, though admittedly I never heard him say more than “saligou” in our presence," la classe, la vraie...

    1. merci au moin toi tu comprend ;)

  23. Miss Poleniwue thank you for the thourough analysis :). The apple really didnt fall far the tree no
    I have a French translation of this post, I might send it to him for fun, I am sure it'll give him something else to do besides closing windows and making sure no one hear me laugh, pissing off the plumber (he's always around) and bickering with mum.

    Sounds like this made a few people teary! If that served to remind people to make more efforts with their dads, than I am happy :)

    Anonymous Troll 1 who's French Algerian?

    Anonymous Troll 2 euuuu Hahahahaha

    Charnoir I love science and anthropology and you combined both beautifully in your thourough analysis, but shame we're deviating from what should have been a funny debate about dads etc...
    Oh well, I guess clowns are equally funny. I thouroughly enjoyed your analysis, shame it's wasted on Troll 1 and 2, I hardly think either can begin to fathom what you are talking about, though the Troll comment reminded me vaguely of your latest blog on Mazouni "Cha3rek Lisse, La Police" haha

    Miss Sue Allah Yerahmou, sorry if I bright back sad memories
    My greatest fear is to lose my dad, I don't know how I would cope. This is a tribute to him whilst I still have him and I will make sure he reads it and I will make sure to say how much I love him.

    M now now :) don't let them drag you

    Homo Erectus No big deal, I won't judge him if he likes it either
    Merci ;) mon papouni... La classe, la vraie

  24. @Anonymous 1: French Algerians take it up the bum??!! Do you know what they say about Algerians from back home? They wear the hijab, get sodomised & act like virgins, ask your sisters, they would know!
    The real issue here is that Algerian men love anal sex, I understand that back in the days they had no access to vaginas until marriage hence had recourse to anal but nowadays they have access to it and still want anal.....two words: batty bwoys!
    DZ Chick is clearly not French Algerian so get your facts straight, verbal diarrhoea can be treated, silence is the cure!

    @Anonymous 2- I don't understand most of your comment as it is in derja, lol full of self-hatred and yet you can't even write in English nor in French, how pathetic!!! Algerian bitches but English chicks?! I certainly do pity any English woman that settles for DZ scums like you. Let's be honest you get an easier ride with European chicks, Algerian women are too strong for wimps! Not saying European women are not strong but certainly not as challenging!

    1. polemique shhhhh please . challenging? hihi desperate oui. aya get real. you shld learn derja it gets you wiser

  25. Al Mazouni would have written a version for this case entitled : "Cha3rak 7rach"... an excerpt : "Interpoool, interpollll, 3aitou ljadarmia, yadiwah 3liya, had le trool, had le trolll".

    For the subject of your article, I don't know if it can be a generality but algerian fathers tend to be funny and affectionate with girls only. Mine allah yerhmou, was not funny at all... A very serious man... A partriarch... The kindest words i heard from him were : "koun rajel"...
    But his relationship with my sisters was different.

    1. GentilChatnoir ha ha mais t es un autre grand parolier dis-donc :)
      Pour "Koun Rajel" ouais je l'ai déjà entendu celle la, même mon père me l'a dit une fois quand j'allais à la fac lol
      Très affectueux comme expression :/

    2. chat noir tu me tue wellah, tu est un grand wellah, ok nice black pussycat hihihihi

    3. c gentil chat noir, je suis desole por ton pere wellah, mais tu voi je me defouuuuule ta vue, je ne suis pas movai, c moi troll1 et 2 by the way, ok, relax, moi je suis tribal, take it easy sa se voi belli nta nass emla7 je ne veut pas te blaisse ni blaisse dz-chick malgre kelle me break my balls a distence, ni lautre polemique impeut mongol a mon gout, mais c sa la libre expression, moi si tu me connai en vrai eh ben wellah tu va me faire du popcorn tellement tezrag 3liya. aya ne stress pas je respect tt les parents, mais sil te plai lesse moi dire se ke je veut, et moi jaime bien lire les feedback. et sa marche come sa bech ma twelish boring eda3wa. aya peace nice black pussycatdolls

    4. are you still here?? "wachek shihh " shame on you! you put swearing and vulgar words about our women and you call this "la libre expression"!!
      if it was me, after reading Chatnoir analysis about your comment I will commit suicide.

    5. nah raki ghalta , machi te3 suicide, khalina meskin babah mat, al mouhim, ki yetrabaw our women then ill treat them well :) . saligou va

  26. LOL! Chatnoir, you crack me up with your excerpt! :DDDDD

  27. WOW, Nice...there are couple things mentioned in these comments that I wasn't aware of about my own people, especialy what misspolimic mentioned in her feedback about algerian men sex preference, and we got some historical perspective on that too. Thanks for shedding some light on that, I honestly never knew that. Oh well!!

    Troller's (trol1+2) kind of thinking is what's keeping us in the middle ages back in the homeland. Girls and women have a right to live as much as men.

    DZChick, my parents are still alive and I am not as close to them as I used to be, my parents are judgemental and I got fed up of their criticism (I never disrespected them tho', i just keep my distance). After reading your post, I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to them to tell them I love them...your post has indeed hit a soft spot in me.
    People are usualy genuinely good, it's our egos that make us behave in bad to go...Peace to all...

    El Badji

    1. we shld stop this silly game and get back together

  28. El badji I am glad my little post made you want to call home and I do hope you did even if it was to say ca va as I know saying I love you is sooo hard! Did you? :)

  29. This is absolutely lovely! I definitely see some similarities with my dad. May God bless your father Dz.


  30. sooophiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee ;)))))))))))))))))))

  31. come des enfants ya zeh

  32. DZC,
    You know it! Showing affection in our culture is considered to be weakness, so yeah of course, I just called them to say what's up? I am not sure if it is easier for Algerian parents to say "I love you" to girls than boys. I certainly never heard those words uttered from my parents mouth. I will certainly change that with my kids, they will hear it from me every day, girls or boys, kisses and hugs as well.

    1. I was on the phone with one of my sibblings, a little while ago, who was asking me if "Our parents ever uttered the word "love" to us when we were kids?" if they ever said "I love you". I giggled asking him if he was okay. He confessed that he went over to his friends' house and noticed that the mother was affectionatelly saying "I love you to her two kids without any reason" . I replied that I was sure that our parents did say it at some point. They certainly told us something like that when we were babies but we cannot remember it, being too young. My brother lives abroad and so I tried to stress on the fact that over there it's a different culture than ours; "We don't express love, we show it" (for the lucky ones). My sibllings and I are lucky to have loving parents so we know that they love us even though they do not say it. But if I could go back in time and change that, making my parents say it loud and clear, say that they love us on a regular basis, I would definitely do so! Yes El Badji, express your love to your kids; ca ne pourra leur faire que du bien!!

  33. Love like the word please is only implied in Algeria never uttered


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