Wednesday, 28 May 2008

31 and still Single

The tables have turned! I am in a different state of mind, the 30's crisis has now passed and I have resigned myself to the fact that I am actually happier being JUST single rather than single and looking!! If you know what I mean

My 31st Birthday was the best I’ve had yet, surrounded by my friends, I realised I didn’t need to have a special someone when I can have lots of special friends. What’s the rush…I am enjoying my being single, having the freedom and the liberation of being ME, don’t have to make time for anybody unless I want to, I don’t have to do anything for anyone unless I fancy it…what a feeling.

Though I have a sneaking suspicion this won’t last, I feel pressure! Constant pressure to be with someone, social norms on the matter are very clear, if you are over 30 and single, there is a problem…you need to at least have a boyfriend! As much as we evolve and develop as women, the need for a man will never dissipate (unless you’re a lesbian), the need for a male’s presence is a must according to our society (Muslim or otherwise) no matter how useless his presence is. As long as there’s a penis in the room!

I am aware of my parents unspoken worries! They think I am anti-marriage, they fear I had taken the decision to remain single, the truth is I am just scared…really scared of marriage. And anyone in the right mind should be too. Marriage is not a joke; it’s a sacrate bond and an official relationship you get into with pure and clear intentions, of supporting eachother through better or worse (no really), making it work and being happy eventually… or initially…depending on the couple.

I have seen so many torn up couples, so many unhappy souls…divorced and feeling lost, I have seen men cheating on their wives and wives cheating on their husbands! I have seen married people and all the changes and sacrifices they have to make in their lives! I am scared of that too….why can’t things just stay the way they are! And we can just live the same way whilst being married! As I said before, I have resigned myself to the fact that I want to be with an Algerian man (if it ever happens) and so I know that I have more chances of going to the moon than to living my single’s life unchanged, and that only adds to my fears and worries…did I mention I am great problem solver ;)

I have met a number of men, all very keen on getting down to business…MARRIAGE that is (you dirty minded)…but I always find myself sabotaging the relationship, by showing them all the potential nightmare situations that could and most probably would occur if in a relationship with me. I am not claiming it’ll be an easy ride, but I can assure you it’ll be a fun one. I can’t promise there won’t be problems and tears, ‘cos I like drama and I like a good fight but because I have a very short memory, I forget why we were fighting and start laughing half way through!

Maktoub (what’s written - Fate)
Having said that – I believe in Maktoub and I believe that what is supposed to happen will happen no matter what. So my philosophy is: I will live my life as best I can, as fun as I can make it, when god decides it’s time for me to die, get married or have children…so BE IT.

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