Drama mama!

We girls love a bit of drama; we create it, crave it, we thrive on it. Very lucky few are drama-free. I am of course; a major drama queen but not very proud of it, although it could be endearing to a very crazy few, I myself rarely find it funny and more often than not, will try to share my issues with my male friends more than with girls, in an attempt at soaking up that drama-free attitude and dismissing none-issues with a shrug of the shoulders.
Girls are saved for the days when I am not prepared to snap out of it and the need to dwell on things is ever present, so my girlfriends will listen to my non-issue issues and cry outrage and disgust, fuelling my already high emotions, I weep, their eyes water a little, we group hug, share a drink, a cigarette or chocolate cake and call everybody a bastard, men, bosses, men and that annoying paper boy with his City AM, shoving it in my face EVERY morning!

Drama 1
Oh my god, Sara didn’t put a kiss on her last text to me, do you think she hates me?
Drama 2
My boss didn’t make eye contact with me this morning, am getting fired aren’t I?
Drama 3
I have an itchy left boob, do you think I have cancer?
Drama 4
I though we really hit it off, why didn’t he text me, it’s been an hour already!

Don’t you just love to indulge your cravings for drama? It’s a way of shaking things up when life is a little dull, this Catastrophising makes you feel alive, drives away boys and keeps you young or at least juvenile, but a life without drama is not a life worth living. Say AMEN.

Now as a major drama queen who once cried (with tears and everything) out of fear of a cockroach, I shouldn’t be saying the following but I feel I need to balance it out a little and give you ways to avoid being a hypochondriac, a drama queen or a bitch…

- When you feel a drama moment arising, only hang out with boys, you’ll soon feel ridiculous

- Think of the worst that could happen: if a guy doesn’t text you, just think he might have died of Co2 poisoning in his bathtub or has tripped on his oversized ego and fell into his empty hole of a soul – harsh? Nonsense, it’s wickedly therapeutic.

- “sniff sniff everything happens to me, the only skirt left is a size 8 and doesn’t fit by big bum” …. Context it all and think of someone you know who has cancer or hasn’t had a job in five years! You’ll soon resize your problems appropriately and snap out of your short lived drama

- Do try to snap out of it quickly by crying it out, if you can’t, then you may lash out at your close friends, they’ll take it, especially the boys, tears always confuse them.

- Do not listen to melancholic music that pushes you further into self-pity, like Adele and what not, on which let me tell you, she should have told them all to jog on but no fingers required! I was quite disappointed in her diva attitude; she’s another drama queen you see…

- Don’t go through your whole contact list and call them one by one, in search of more pity and attention – it gets tedious and I will be washing my hair.

- And remember boys almost all prefer drama-free…

The point of this post you ask? Well it’s a funny story really… Sara does hate me, I might actually be fired and there is a lump in my breast. The only non dramatic thing is that guy did text after an hour and half and I decided I didn’t like him.

Dz-chick…a big drama mama!

I just called to say....NO!

Ahhh friends, friends, plenty of friends…

Good friends, shit friends, needy friends, childhood friends, coffee friends, cinema friends, travel friends, work friends, sex friends, drinking friends and finally forced friends.
One day you wake up, after having spent a whole evening with a friend, a substantial amount of money matching what the "friend" wanted to do, you sit there; laugh and talk, all the while feeling a twitch at the back of your mind, but you discount it and continue having a "nice" time.

You continue with this, laughing at unfunny jokes, swallowing and nodding the condescending comments, humouring the know-it-all attitude, the emotional blackmail, the neediness, the blatant use of your time and kindness, but do you say anything? nope....

You continue being a good friend, by good friend I mean a push over, until one day you feel angry and resentful as to why you have to spend a minute more with this so called friend.

How many of you out there, find yourselves badgered into friendships with people who target you because you represent something they aspire to be, or you have something they need, like attention, help, time, love or simply financial gain and popularity.

You know how the saying goes; you can’t choose your family,

Well then I am well bloody going to choose my friends, and since I am not 15, friendships don’t tend to form overnight and despite you having my phone number or address, knowing my birthday or my favourite meal doesn’t make you my friend unless I allow access…FROM NOW ON I mean.

I now know, all it takes is to say NO.

Yallah – al abarani barra as my dad says

Dz-Chick ….in a cleaning mood!
--------
Yallah = come on
Al barani barra = The outsiders, out

Monday Blues and Friday Jazz…

On the lift up to the office on a moody Monday morning, when all you want to do apart from satisfy the urge to kill is to stand quietly in your spot until that grating voice announces ‘2nd floor, lift going up’, get to your desk unflustered by hellos and questions like “how was your weekend?” give me a minute for fuck sakes

In an ideal world (mine) people would be satisfied with a nod, a glance or a smile and wait until preferably after lunch to address me, never call my extension, only contact me by email, do not pretend to give me pressure with such things as ASAP and at your earliest convenience because to me that means:  after I come back from the gym ON Tuesday , also refrain from asking for a read-receipt because you know I will never give you that satisfaction of knowing, when talking in the office, speak at a low volume that is acceptable at the cinema or the  library, being on a trading floor is no excuse and when I am having my lunch at my desk and say sorry I am at lunch, I am usually not joking.

When later on you meet me at the water fountain, if I stand behind you queuing up it is not your queue to ask me about my weekend or give me the weather report because I really don’t care, I always carry an umbrella and spare pair of knickers

If you catch me on a good day, I promise to tell you how my weekend went as quickly and unenthusiastically as possible so that you can start telling me about yours, because we all know that’s really the goal, I promise to listen, nod and say wow cool if you make it quick so I can go back to my desk and mong

Fellow considerate, polite and interested parties; I ask you; should I consider it a rhetorical question from now on or bore you with my weekend details until you never ask me again? Or just suck it up and be nice! This is definitely a rhetorical question, I already know which way am going…

Sarah: how was your weekend?
Me: I don’t really want to talk about it; it gets a bit repetitive after the 2nd time
Sarah: well who did you tell; I’ll go and ask them
We both laugh because it’s ridiculous

By Thursday, comes the next question “any plans for the weekend?”
Are you just being polite or do you really care about my weekend? and if my plans are awesome, are you going to invite yourself along? Are you going to be jealous and start making up some story about “ice-skating in Somerset house with Will and Kate?” or my favourite “I was in Paris for the weekend” is that right? Did you get the Eurostar from Victoria then?  Did you see the Coliseum?

By Friday, it’s a freaking circus of happy people and I am the clown, I am happy but only smile on the inside, I NEVER ask anyone if they have plans for the weekend because I don’t particularly care but I will happily chat to people as long as I get to talk about myself avoiding small talk because small talk is a waste of time and is only cool when I do it like: soooo you’RE tall!

This Mondays favourite water fountain subject: Clocks changing followed by Halloween talk– oh dear lord!

Dz-chick....strong coffee please!!!

Poke me!

From 310 to 309, hmmm who removed me from their facebook? Or maybe they just deactivated their account? No no someone removed me, damn can't find out who it is now, I have so many facebook friends I won't even know who is and who isn't my friend anymore. Oh well I am sure I would have noticed if they mattered.

I noticed however when someone I thought to have been a good friend of mine recently removed me from their fecebook, notice, she did not send me a message, angry or disappointed or saying "you pissed me off bla bla bla" she just went and removed me from facebook, at first I thought surely this has to be a mistake and I did a search for her thinking maybe she just closed her account, but found she was still friend with friends of mine (she doesn't even know most of them) and realised that our friendship of nearly 6 years was over, she decided to put an end to our friendship with a click of a mouse. No reason given, I am left in the dark as to what I did wrong or what I could do to fix it.

Is this is the new norm? Is this how we end friendships? Or show we're unsatisfied with our friendships? Is Facebook the new social platform to end relationships? What happened to the phone? Email? What happened to calling an old friend and telling her she was a b*tch?

What’s next? Divorce through facebook? Resign jobs through facebook?
What is becoming of our communication skills and what’s wrong with talking? Don’t poke me, don’t tag me, don’t facebook or unfacebook me, just talk to me.

Dz-chick…..facebook shy of late

Envy is a terrible thing!

Karma is an amazing thing, good Karma even better, despite my years of being cynical, I never stopped being an optimist, a closeted one nonetheless, I always believed in Love, always believed I would meet my match and be happy as the opposite was simply unthinkable.

It is time dz-chick moved on, it’s time she felt what it’s like to be happy and loved.

However, people don’t seem to be happy for her, everywhere she gets questioned in such a fashion it perplexes her, scrutinised as though a miracle occurred and they (so called friends) need to probe further to make sure they’re not hallucinating, some start to cry, worth a mention that these tears were not tears of joy, but tears of sadness, because she left her singleton friends behind in their singledom.

Your friends with the exception of a few, don’t want to see you moved on and happy, because they’ll have no more excuses, they’ll have to start looking at their own lives and relationships and acknowledge their own dilemmas instead of occupying themselves with yours as a distraction and a feel-better factor and your sadness and dilemmas are used as leverage, a mean of control.

In all the years you have been single, how many friends have actually tried to introduce you to someone you might like? Or set up with a friend or someone they might know? And if they did, was it not such an appalling effort it had no choice but to fail and add to your gloom?

Truth I found is that it’s not in their best interest to do so; our friends prefer to keep us to themselves, their clowns, their entertainment, the singletons whose diaries are always open and encumbered by must-do’s, “We’re going” and “we’ve plans”, The single friend is the distraction from their own lives and problems;

And declaring “dz-chick changed her status from single to in a relationship” did not win me many votes, how amusing to see how people react to their friends’ happiness, I never thought people would actually deny me the happiness I so strived for and so deserve.

This strange behaviour, call it, envy, jealousy, selfishness or just indifference, makes you question the very foundation of your friendships, why are we even friends? How did we become friends? Will we go on being friends? Will you ever be happy for me as much as I was happy for you?

Which makes me now understand why people only share bad news with us and withhold the good news to themselves, they obviously experienced this and have learnt to keep things to themselves, just like expectant women who won’t announce their pregnancy until three months have passed and bump can hide no longer;

Is it fear of people’s envy? Jealousy? Evil eye? or simply that we secretly know some of our friendships are flawed and must be kept at bay.

Dz-chick....does not care for the colour Green.