33 and still single....maybe I will do better next year!

In the midst of my 33rd year, still single.

Long gone are my London socialite days where work was just a mean to afford to have fun and indulge in luxury goods and lifestyle. I moved to a smaller sea-side city for work in the hope of bettering myself -further I mean...but the only thing I managed to further is my weight gain, managed to kill my social life and burry myself in my work.

Seven months on and still going strong, the last few months in this god forsaken seaside town have been nothing short of a military camp for me. My life revolves around work, working and the little time I have I spend it on the motorway running back to London to my old life and my friends where I resource myself so I can face the hard working environment I found myself in. Male dominated industry, lack of acceptance from male colleagues and peers. Can’t say this hasn’t taken its tole on me. Though perhaps there are a few positive outcomes to this experience. I have realised how strong willed I am, my endurance knows no end, I have taken on a 3 men position, surrounded by egocentric, sexist males who endeavour to make my life difficult, which in turn makes me persevere even more. I see this as a set challenge and I accept it, naturally the other positive aspect to this whole experience is what I have learnt in terms of the business aspect and my abilities to do business. ..I suppose the other realisation is the level of motivation, determination perseverance and capabilities I seem to have...mmm is this what detters men?

As I always said before, I am a strong believer in fate, and I believe that all of this is happening for a reason, I will never question the reasons or the intricate plans of nature, I just keep going and let life happen, what is encouraging though is that I can see the mirage and the picture of my final plan in the midst of all this fog and uncertainty. I have faith that I will achieve my goal, I will not divulge this just yet but I will do in the future and all will be invited to the "opening" Inchallah.

To be painfully honest, whilst writing the previous paragraph I realised I was trying to convince myself that it will happen for me and that I will succeed, I am a fearless creature who knows no boundaries to success, if it is to be grabbed then it shall be, so I will work hard and make it happen...Inchallah

My life cannot be what it has been for the last few months, a sad state of a workaholic who is married to her job because she has nothing better to do, Yesterday, feeling quite hormonal and emotionally deprived, I actually cried about my spending the afternoon off in my garden, I cried about things I didn’t have and things I don't even know if I really want, I cried about the lack of a man in my life, lack of children not because I want them but because I feel I am being judged by society for not wanting them, I feel scrutinised by my friends when I play with their kids as though they try to decipher why is it that I am not interested by babies and If I am perhaps jealous of their own "litter"...I cant swear I don’t want to have children, I can only say HONNESTLY that the thought would not cross my mind unless I had someone I WANT to have them with, someone I love and desire....why am I so hard on myself? I cannot even allow myself the luxury of a relaxing afternoon in the garden...I feel restless.

As we all know most women from the age of 24 start fantasising about having children, you hear them cry "I want a baby"...I question..."how?", "with whom?" I believe the broodiness is a natural urge that we cannot control, male or female but we can suppress it with the aid of social and moral norms, but this doesn’t apply or work for everybody, perhaps for me, but I cannot judge people for seeking to have children with the help of "new age" methods, women are more and more inclined to have babies without the help of a natural insemination or a man present unless he was the specialist doctor. And I cannot judge them...these women in their mid to late thirties who have looked and looked but failed to find a partner, love or someone to be with, choose to cut their losses whilst biologically still possible and create a partner within. I am sympathetic.

I started this blog when I turned 30 and 3 years later.... same blog title! Single Algerian Women...albeit in a different town, perhaps I will do better in my 4th year.

Footprints....

As does my profile picture indicate....am leaving my footprints, I am making a contribution with this blog, I have been subject to criticism and scrutiny but this will not deter me from my mission.

Thank you all for your comments, negative or positive. You are reading and are part of a dialogue addressing real issues. I am not writing to be praised by fellow bloggers or readers, but to inform, discuss and learn.

Miss Dz-Chick

The Algerian dating phenomenon

A new dating phenomenon has appeared on the Algerian social scene, I noted.

It seems the international dating rules and etiquette do not apply to the Algerian dating scene, the players make their own rules and play their games against a participating public who is oblivious to these rules, therefore claiming victory at each game and collecting the trophies and titles, leaving behind indignant or wounded parties both on the physical and emotional level, turning this game into a vicious circle that would ultimately have long-term effect on the overall socio-behaviour of the society.

We all know that "dating" comes from western cultures and that it is not really recognized in Islamic cultures, due to the strict rules of non-mixing before marriage, but due to the westernisation of most Islamic nations and the globalisation trend as well as other social activities such as Immigration; dating has become more tolerated and sometimes even encouraged, though it does remain frowned upon and even strictly forbidden in certain countries where free mixing is non-existent such is the case of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Now Algeria seems to be a completely different case; generally speaking you'll find a bit of everything in Algeria. you have the group where social free mixing is completely unheard of and dating is as common as the rain in the Sahara, and other groups where dating is a social activity that is completely accepted and tolerated, although this was not the case 10 years ago, things have changed and a sight of a couple walking down the street hand in hand is not totally shocking, providing you are talking about a big city with busy streets and local cafés and tea-rooms where these couples could sit and enjoy a hassle-free date.
The first group is not so fortunate, as you'll find couples struggling to meet or even talk on the phone, where everything has to be scheduled and schemed carefully or it could mean trouble with the girl’s father or brothers or even in some cases, cousins and uncles, it could even go as far as neighbours in some extreme cases.

Now, in this blog, what I am concerned about isn't the dating itself but the new dating rules or should I say the abolition of these rules and etiquette. Where women have become important players despite the fact that men are still the more prominent ones and are still holding the dices. They have taken it to new levels, where women are usable and disposable and are actually okay with this; Marriage doesn’t even enter the agenda or at least is very cleverly hidden. It is all about non exclusivity, open relationships and affairs. You are a women, therefore you should know this is an open relationship and of determined duration, do not expect more than your given time and do not question the fact that there are more than two in your “relationship”, if you do (question) then you’re jus not open minded enough or at least not interesting – there is an expiration date and limit; its in fact expiration dating.

These players of both genders view their lifestyles as very westernised and therefore very developed and cultured; this is mainly due to the effect of westernisation and viewing everything European or American as cultured, developed and THE standard to follow, leaving indigenous and inherited “social” principals visibly diminished and neglected, which results in a very westernised generation that is torn between the old and the new, Islam and westernisation which could be explained by the socio-behavioural evolution that occurs naturally with the mixing of races and religions through trade and immigration but that is generally speaking, in Algeria specifically, the change is most significant in the younger generation of higher economic status, where financial freedom makes for an easy mean or access to the western world through travel, TV, mobile communication, cinema and fashion. This new generation it seems adopted their own culture and created their own “new” traditions which are a more contemporary urban set of traditions adopted from what they view as suitable for their lifestyles and times, this can be witnessed through the new dating behaviours mentioned above, the mixing of races (international marriages are now becoming a more common trend in Algeria), the wedding celebrations, this behavioural change extends to new dialects created and considered more “HIP”, hair styles and body arts, though we have to visit the issue of the recent Islamic revivalism, many young Algerians have a new found faith, wearing of Hidjab (Islamic veil) is high amongst the youth of middle and lower classes, putting this group in direct conflict with the latter which holds more liberal views. Can this be viewed as diversity? Or a new social concern?

So this brings us conclusively to the question of marriage since dating – the new dating phenomenon has created new rules and criteria’s that surely would affect the marriage decision of the players.
If the core values of the society have been modified, what are the criteria they based their searches for life partners on? Keeping the same dating criteria is not something impossible but quite rare, showing the hypocritical behaviour this dating phenomenon has engendered.

Reminiscing

A Cynic and a chicken apparently…..

…..I did it – I got rid of him, I beat my own record of 2 weeks of perfect harmony and happiness. It was too good to be true. Something had to give. It didn’t so I made it happen.

A perfect and happy start. He calls me, he’s attentive, supportive and sweet, says all the RIGHT things, he clearly has done his homework, I guess it’s normal for a man his age to be ready the way he is. I felt a glimmer, nay a molecule of distance and I find myself running for the exit. He calls me a chicken cut cut cut coooooooooot (and I roll my eyes)... yes I am and I would rather be a chicken than a broken woman.

I have now relaxed about him - there are so many men on the scene I got bored all together - I am focusing my mind on other things right now, and it's working, it got my mind off these mini dramas we create to make our lives more interesting...well I though my life is interesting so no more dramas, well maybe one last one perhaps as I am sending the chocolates in a few days - so stay tuned!
Ps: I have no good or bad feeling about the outcome of this little manoeuvre

.....Whatever happens, I will be FINE.

RelationSHITS - PART II

Going back to the relationSHITS blog...I have news, some of you might say: as expected!

I have ended the pseudo-relationship I had with him last night. I feel somewhat sad but relieved. No longer have to worry about contact or lack of.

His argument was quite clear – we have to wait until we meet in the flesh to be able to decide whether we can start something together. He is so obviously worried about physical contact; his exact words I believe were “what if you won’t even feel like kissing me, what if you won’t even fancy me, I just hope you won’t get any nasty surprises”

My argument went something like “I don’t mind the distance and the waiting, but I cannot wait for someone who doesn’t encourage me to, what are you promising me or what are my guarantees for waiting for you? Anybody can meet someone else or anything could happen, you need to give me something to wait for, you ask me to be patient, yet you discourage my patience with your total absence and lack of contact or compassion, so I am taking my bets off the table and if fate has it we meet again – so be it”

This gentlemen holds precise and accurate information about my future (short term) plans, he knows where he can meet me and how. I am going to leave it to fate. If he shows up on the day of my arrival, then I will be happy to give it another try…I like this guy…I gave him up last night but I know in doing so I probably saved what we have. I feel there is some kind of cosmic reason for all of this…that or I am just hormonal and a bit erratic.

Things will unfold…I feel it in my bones….stay tuned.